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Susan Thom is the mother of three, who happens to like to write. Her articles are based on her experiences throughout life. She has written over one thousand articles for searchwarp.com and reached over one million page views. Hopefully, someone will learn something new, try it, and improve their positivity an d life. There are hundreds of gifs ready for emails and messages, self help and uplifting articles, and beautiful pictures to look at as you read. Take your time, and look around. gifs are listed under "more"
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Distress Tolerance
Everyone has gone through some type of emotion or problem that has brought them stress and distress (grief, worry, atrocity.) There are skills one can do that will alleviate some of the stress. Distract is one such example. Focusing on something other than the problem at hand will ease the panic and anger at someone or something. The problem will have to be settled, but until that time comes, we can use this skill to clear our minds and act calmer and be more at peace. Diverting the attention for a time, can help in coming to a conclusion that is wise and well thought out.
Many an argument is senseless anyway. The tv may be too loud, the clock may be irritating you with it’s loud ticking, a boss may be hard on us, or a child won’t listen to a parents’ words or beliefs. Until we know we are in wise mind and can be calm in our resolution, distracting our attention is helpful. We may think of the sea with it’s sandy beaches and beautiful white waves. We may think back to when one or all of our children were born, or when we bought our first car or first house. We can go over the events at a wedding or a fun party.
All of these things are giving us a chance to relax, and react in the calmest and most honest way possible. If we also simply stick to the facts, the outcome is always better. A child may be wise enough to say, "I broke the spoon." There is no need for, "I was twirling the spoon around and it flew out of my hand and broke when it hit the stone on the fireplace, but I didn’t mean to do it." The least amount of words is usually the best way to converse with others. This is an exercise that comes easier as it is applied to our life. A life of less stress and distress.
We can use the exercise of self soothing. When under pressure, or faced with a problem, one can distract and do things that feel good. This could be taking a nice warm bubble bath or whatever you feel good doing. We can look at something pleasing to the eye, or listen to music, smelling pleasant odors, and eating or drinking something that we enjoy. We must try to distract our thoughts to nothing but calming and happy memories, and stay mindful of what we are doing and why.
We can improve the moment with imagery, prayer, and relaxation. The goal is to keep our stress levels down. At the same time, we are strengthening our skills and feeling better about whatever it is we need to face. We can make a list of the pros and cons in any situation. This list is of reasons for and against tolerating a situation or engaging in a certain way. It is another skill that may help us keep our blood pressure down, and our whole body responding well.
Stress is bad for our health, so any skill that can improve our ways of thinking and reacting are powerful and worthwhile. Our immune system also benefits from a calmer state of mind and existence, and we all want and need this to be strong. Keeping our minds and bodies strong and stress free are goals that can be worked on and improved in time. Once we have tried to solve a problem or deal with another person, we must have radical acceptance.
This is when all else fails, and your situation cannot improve. Accept the fact that this is the way it has to be for right now. Repeat this in your mind over and over. Things aren’t always going to go our way and solutions aren’t always going to help matters. At times, we must use all the skills to get us to the point where things are okay the way they are for now. No guilt, no shame, just patience and practicing "right thinking." Maybe the car we want but cannot afford is too fast for our right foot, and we are being safely guarded.
The house we wanted may have plumbing and electrical problems that would run us into more money than we have. Maybe the girl or boy we like has another side. We may be avoiding a nasty relationship if we pursue this one girl or boy. There is always a reason for everything, and with skills to help us cope, we can stay calmer and enjoy a less stressful life.
Everyone has gone through some type of emotion or problem that has brought them stress and distress (grief, worry, atrocity.) There are skills one can do that will alleviate some of the stress. Distract is one such example. Focusing on something other than the problem at hand will ease the panic and anger at someone or something. The problem will have to be settled, but until that time comes, we can use this skill to clear our minds and act calmer and be more at peace. Diverting the attention for a time, can help in coming to a conclusion that is wise and well thought out.
Many an argument is senseless anyway. The tv may be too loud, the clock may be irritating you with it’s loud ticking, a boss may be hard on us, or a child won’t listen to a parents’ words or beliefs. Until we know we are in wise mind and can be calm in our resolution, distracting our attention is helpful. We may think of the sea with it’s sandy beaches and beautiful white waves. We may think back to when one or all of our children were born, or when we bought our first car or first house. We can go over the events at a wedding or a fun party.
All of these things are giving us a chance to relax, and react in the calmest and most honest way possible. If we also simply stick to the facts, the outcome is always better. A child may be wise enough to say, "I broke the spoon." There is no need for, "I was twirling the spoon around and it flew out of my hand and broke when it hit the stone on the fireplace, but I didn’t mean to do it." The least amount of words is usually the best way to converse with others. This is an exercise that comes easier as it is applied to our life. A life of less stress and distress.
We can use the exercise of self soothing. When under pressure, or faced with a problem, one can distract and do things that feel good. This could be taking a nice warm bubble bath or whatever you feel good doing. We can look at something pleasing to the eye, or listen to music, smelling pleasant odors, and eating or drinking something that we enjoy. We must try to distract our thoughts to nothing but calming and happy memories, and stay mindful of what we are doing and why.
We can improve the moment with imagery, prayer, and relaxation. The goal is to keep our stress levels down. At the same time, we are strengthening our skills and feeling better about whatever it is we need to face. We can make a list of the pros and cons in any situation. This list is of reasons for and against tolerating a situation or engaging in a certain way. It is another skill that may help us keep our blood pressure down, and our whole body responding well.
Stress is bad for our health, so any skill that can improve our ways of thinking and reacting are powerful and worthwhile. Our immune system also benefits from a calmer state of mind and existence, and we all want and need this to be strong. Keeping our minds and bodies strong and stress free are goals that can be worked on and improved in time. Once we have tried to solve a problem or deal with another person, we must have radical acceptance.
This is when all else fails, and your situation cannot improve. Accept the fact that this is the way it has to be for right now. Repeat this in your mind over and over. Things aren’t always going to go our way and solutions aren’t always going to help matters. At times, we must use all the skills to get us to the point where things are okay the way they are for now. No guilt, no shame, just patience and practicing "right thinking." Maybe the car we want but cannot afford is too fast for our right foot, and we are being safely guarded.
The house we wanted may have plumbing and electrical problems that would run us into more money than we have. Maybe the girl or boy we like has another side. We may be avoiding a nasty relationship if we pursue this one girl or boy. There is always a reason for everything, and with skills to help us cope, we can stay calmer and enjoy a less stressful life.
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Emotional Mind, Rational Mind and Wise Mind
Life is full of situations we must face and deal with as they appear. Many of us fall into emotional mind during an argument or a disagreement. We let our feelings dictate our words and actions. Usually, this ends up in a bigger and angrier dilemma. Insults may come running out of our mouths, and most of the time, this creates more damage. It is never best to handle a crisis or argument while in emotional mind. Tempers flare and feelings get hurt. Words remain in our minds a lot longer than physical damage. When in emotional mind, we may not be clear on what we are asking for. The other person may tune us out due to the high pitch of our voice or the faces we are making at the time. When one person is emotional, it generally leads the other person to become emotional as well. None of this is good for the psyche or the soul. Stress created by emotional mind can be very dangerous because our immune system suffers from the feelings of frustration, anger, and disappointment. We cane literally get sick from the stress caused by being in emotional mind. Screaming and taking on an aggressive tone will only accentuate the problem we may be having. At times, we may have to tell someone that we are not in the right mind to deal with the anger. We may suggest the fact that both people are acting emotional, and need a break to gather their thoughts. This is probably one of the better ways to handle ourselves when we know we are acting out our feelings, and not from our rational mind. I think we’ve all been in emotional mind, so how to we change that to a better way of communicating? Our rational mind is the best state to be in during a heated discussion. It is the mind that leaves out all the meaningless words and deals simply in the facts. As an example, a mother might let her daughter drive her car, only to find a dent in the bumper that wasn’t there before. Emotional mind starts screaming and demeaning. Words are spoken that one cannot take back. Rational mind takes a look at the situation and calmly accepts what has happened, and thinks of a fair way for their daughter to pay for the repairs. This is probably the hardest mindset to have in any given situation. Rational mind does not judge. It doesn’t matter what words have been spoken, the rational mind only deals with facts, reason, and logic. It is the calmer, softer way. Hard to achieve, but not insurmountable. If an employee is not doing what they should on a consistent level and the boss feels they should be fired and let go, rational mind, as well as wise mind are the best ways in dealing with such. No more words need to be said other than, " Jim, you’re work habits are a lot slower than the other employees, and I’m afraid I have to let you go. There is no conversation over what the waitress complained about or the other employees. There is no babble about how long it takes this employee to wash the dishes or stack them or clean the bathrooms. Rational mind, with it’s logic, sticks to the facts and logic. Emotional mind may lead the discussion to going into way too long a time period. The hard luck story may sway the boss and have everyone else wondering why Jim wasn’t fired. The rational mind might tell the boss that the integrity of his restaurant may be at stake, and he needs to fire the one doing the least amount of work. Wise mind is the wisdom within in each person. It sees the value in both reason and emotion. It brings the right and left brain together and takes the middle path. There is no yelling and emotions do not rule. Reason and logic, however, are at the forefront of wise mind. It’s a lot to take in, but if one wants to improve their relationships with others, as well as improving their own personality, these three types of minds may help. Will you decide on emotional mind, rational mind, or wise mind? |
Everything Stems From Fear
No matter how calm we try to be in our lives, there is always something that can be added to our frame of mind. Most of the time, if we just ask ourselves what we are afraid of, or what someone else may be afraid of, we can pinpoint a problem and solve it. We may be agoraphobic, and our mood may be affected and shown by our actions. If agoraphobics have to go to a mall or shopping in a store with a lot of people, they are in fear. This may make them cranky and on edge before they must leave the house.
Understanding this may help ourselves and others understand where we are coming from, and where our mood changed from positive to negative. If we can’t pay our mortgage on time, we may fear that our home will be taken away. This would cause fear, disguised by irritability and frustration. Most times we don’t think of what we may be afraid of in any given situation. Once we can identify what we are afraid of, we can use methods to change our frame of mind and make it easier to cope.
Many times we can improve our moods and live a more comfortable and fulfilling life. A willingness to adjust our way of thinking may be all we need to do. We can talk ourselves into going to a smaller store first, and lead up to going to a mall or crowded store. We can also talk to ourselves and convince ourselves that there is nothing to be afraid of, since everything stems from fear. We may learn that we can overcome our fears in different ways. Positivity is the key.
There are many things that may cause a person to be fearful. A solution to their problem doesn’t happen until they look at what they are fearful of at the time. A child may give a parent trouble about going to their baseball game. They may say they don’t feel good, or just refuse to go at all. This may be because they are afraid they won’t get a hit in baseball, or be able to catch the ball if it comes to them. As a parent, this information can be very useful in reassuring our child that it’s not a prerequisite to hit a ball in life. Trying is the first step in facing our fears.
We may have trouble sleeping, and not put it together that something is bothering us out of our fear. This could be fear of having enough food and enough money to survive. Our children may go out on their own, and we worry that they might not make it. That worry is fear. It is enough to keep parents awake at night. Having a more positive attitude and mindset can go a long way in helping alleviate some of our fears. Faith in a Higher Power is extremely important in learning how to be patient, and learning how to trust.
Faith that everything happens for a reason can absorb some of our fear. Believing that we are going through a rough time to strengthen us, may help us see things in a more positive light. Remembering that this, too, shall pass also helps. Knowing that we are in fear of something may help us realize that we are taking our frustration out on family and friends. We may also take it out on a stranger that is taking too long to go at a green light, or a clerk, or anyone we deal with while fearing something totally different. If we search our souls for the answer, it usually comes. Prayer is also helpful in exposing to us what causes us to be afraid.
If we can identify our fear, we are moving in the right direction. We can explore how to omit each fear as it pops up. If we have to speak in front of other people, and are afraid we might say something wrong, or forget our lines, we can substitute that fear by knowing we will do just fine. If we make a mistake, we’ll be able to deal with it. Until we identify our fear, it’s hard to know how to cope.
Fear of getting stung by a bee may keep some in the house, while they could be enjoying a beautiful day in the garden or sitting on the porch.
We can see what fear can rob us of if we let it. Facing those fears sets us free. We can calmly go to the mall or a store or a baseball game or anywhere that caused panic in us before. If we are in a relationship, we may better understand our partners’ bad mood if we know they are afraid of something, such as losing one’s job or not getting promoted. These fears creep into our psyche and we react in a negative way. If we know everything stems from fear, we can better understand ourselves as well, and learn to deal with the fear and soothe our souls and minds of what is bothering us and making us fearful.
I didn’t always know this, but since I have been exposed to this way of thinking, it is much easier for me to be more sympathetic and less judgmental. Someone’s fear is nothing to be cavalier about. It is real to them even if it seems silly to us. If we try to eliminate some of our frustration and negativity by pin pointing the problem, and what we are afraid of, life can be much simpler and more satisfying.
Skills To Turn Your Life Around
There was a time when I was angry, bitter and very unhappy. Circumstances in my life had caused me a great deal of stress. I wasn’t getting along with my 3 kids or my relationship s with others and I begged God nightly to take me in my sleep. I could never commit suicide, but I begged God to do it for me. There was darkness where there should have been light. My three kids went out on their own within 3 months, and I went through a traumatic six years of crying everyday.
Something had to be done. I was introduced into a program of cognitive or "in the mind" skills that changed my life around. Now I thank God everyday for my life. I can take inventory of all that is good in my life and be happy and relatively stress free. I stopped worrying about my kids and my relationships. I started following the skills I was learning. I learned to stop and think before you speak. Make sure what you are about to say doesn’t put the other person on the defensive. Think of a gentle and specific way to say something in a positive way.
Not everything has to be talked about. Less words leaves one calmer and more at peace because arguments don’t ensue. The time to talk is when both parties are in a good mood and are approachable. We all have our bad days. Mindfulness is focusing your attention on what you are doing at the time. It also encourages doing one thing at a time. There is so much multi tasking between talking on the phone, being on your computer, playing music, writing notes down, that the caller feels unimportant. We can focus on not doing that.
There is a group of skills which are called "Dear Man." D is for describe. Describe the situation to another by sticking only to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to. E is for express. Express your feelings and opinions don’t assume the other person knows how you feel. A is for assert yourself. Ask for what you want or say no clearly. R is for reinforce. Explain positive effects of getting what you want or need. M is for mindful. Keep you focus on your goals. A is appear confident and effective. Make eye contact. N is for negotiate. Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. These skills are taken from books written by Marsha M. Linehan and are very useful.
There is also the self soothing. When things are stressful, taking care of one’s self is important. Taking a bath and enjoying the warm water and bubbles, and staying in those moments is one way to self soothe. Coloring in adult coloring books has helped me a lot for focus and stress release. I color them and then send the to family and friends. Taking a walk in the fresh air is relaxing. Just remember to leave the stress behind and focus on your walk and all you see. As you calm down, so do others around you. People start to treat us with the respect we all deserve. Getting along is so much better than arguing or holding negative grudges.
All negativity has to be by passed. We have to learn how to cope with life and it’s situations in a mild way that doesn’t cause us anger, bitterness, confusion, guilt, or shame. Maya Angelou said, "We do what we know how to do, and when we know better, we do better." Hopefully this is the case through the skills. They are pretty simple and easy to apply, but if they were learned by us at an early age, life’s influence and impact may have caused us to forget. It is worth it to go through therapy and begin to remember the truth and what to say, and when to be quiet. Also how to soothe the soul when it is being bombarded from all sides.
As I relearn the skills, life is so much better. Not to worry is a dream. To dream is a dream! To be able to talk disagreements out instead of them turning into heated arguments where things are said to hurt one another, is a result of studying the skills and putting them into practice in my life. The program is Dialectical behavior therapy and I was able to join it through the hospital. You have to qualify, and even though I could graduate now after 8 months, when the program is for a year, I am going to continue until I feel confident that I know all the skills and use them consistently. I hope this information has helped someone, it certainly helped me, and for that, I am grateful.
There was a time when I was angry, bitter and very unhappy. Circumstances in my life had caused me a great deal of stress. I wasn’t getting along with my 3 kids or my relationship s with others and I begged God nightly to take me in my sleep. I could never commit suicide, but I begged God to do it for me. There was darkness where there should have been light. My three kids went out on their own within 3 months, and I went through a traumatic six years of crying everyday.
Something had to be done. I was introduced into a program of cognitive or "in the mind" skills that changed my life around. Now I thank God everyday for my life. I can take inventory of all that is good in my life and be happy and relatively stress free. I stopped worrying about my kids and my relationships. I started following the skills I was learning. I learned to stop and think before you speak. Make sure what you are about to say doesn’t put the other person on the defensive. Think of a gentle and specific way to say something in a positive way.
Not everything has to be talked about. Less words leaves one calmer and more at peace because arguments don’t ensue. The time to talk is when both parties are in a good mood and are approachable. We all have our bad days. Mindfulness is focusing your attention on what you are doing at the time. It also encourages doing one thing at a time. There is so much multi tasking between talking on the phone, being on your computer, playing music, writing notes down, that the caller feels unimportant. We can focus on not doing that.
There is a group of skills which are called "Dear Man." D is for describe. Describe the situation to another by sticking only to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to. E is for express. Express your feelings and opinions don’t assume the other person knows how you feel. A is for assert yourself. Ask for what you want or say no clearly. R is for reinforce. Explain positive effects of getting what you want or need. M is for mindful. Keep you focus on your goals. A is appear confident and effective. Make eye contact. N is for negotiate. Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. These skills are taken from books written by Marsha M. Linehan and are very useful.
There is also the self soothing. When things are stressful, taking care of one’s self is important. Taking a bath and enjoying the warm water and bubbles, and staying in those moments is one way to self soothe. Coloring in adult coloring books has helped me a lot for focus and stress release. I color them and then send the to family and friends. Taking a walk in the fresh air is relaxing. Just remember to leave the stress behind and focus on your walk and all you see. As you calm down, so do others around you. People start to treat us with the respect we all deserve. Getting along is so much better than arguing or holding negative grudges.
All negativity has to be by passed. We have to learn how to cope with life and it’s situations in a mild way that doesn’t cause us anger, bitterness, confusion, guilt, or shame. Maya Angelou said, "We do what we know how to do, and when we know better, we do better." Hopefully this is the case through the skills. They are pretty simple and easy to apply, but if they were learned by us at an early age, life’s influence and impact may have caused us to forget. It is worth it to go through therapy and begin to remember the truth and what to say, and when to be quiet. Also how to soothe the soul when it is being bombarded from all sides.
As I relearn the skills, life is so much better. Not to worry is a dream. To dream is a dream! To be able to talk disagreements out instead of them turning into heated arguments where things are said to hurt one another, is a result of studying the skills and putting them into practice in my life. The program is Dialectical behavior therapy and I was able to join it through the hospital. You have to qualify, and even though I could graduate now after 8 months, when the program is for a year, I am going to continue until I feel confident that I know all the skills and use them consistently. I hope this information has helped someone, it certainly helped me, and for that, I am grateful.
The Soul Knows
There may be times when we run into someone who has post traumatic stress, for whatever reason. This coupled with a destructive childhood, and you have an angry, pessimistic and frustrated adult. There are many who resent hearing that the parents were to blame, but in most cases, an adult with post traumatic stress grew up in an angry and frustrating household. Parents may be hostile, rigid, negative, and annoyed by all that one can get into as a child. They may yell, scream, hit, beat, or say demeaning things to their children. It happens.
This type of behavior ruins any chance of a healthy raising of a child. Some kids are simply ignored, and the parents leave it up to the teachers to teach them what they are, in fact, responsible for, although being responsible hardly fits in these cases. Many kids turn to drugs or alcohol or unhealthy relationships. They become arrogant, egotistical and overbearing. It is their way or no way. When you take into consideration that some go through rough times of homelessness, finding oneself alone, and situations that are not healthy in any way, you know that these adults have been affected negatively.
They may live through years of psychotic behavior to others, and seclude themselves from all those who are on the right track. However, there are solutions to this abhorrent behavior. And it comes in the form of skills for behavioral modification. If one is actually intelligent, they will seek out classes to learn why they are as they are, and how to change. It is said that no one ever changes. I am proof that that isn’t so. I have learned some skills that have changed the way I think and react in a more positive way.
Therapy is sometimes a great help and can show us what we really sound and act like around others. One can correct these actions with explanations that are valid, on how to change those behaviors. If we are willing, we will learn. If we go kicking and fighting, we will come out kicking and fighting. I have learned most importantly that there are ways of saying things that don’t put the other person on the defensive. "You have to, you should, you better" are phrases that only inflame another. Stopping to think of a better way to phrase your sentences is paramount to a good and healthy relationship where everyone is happy.
There is also validation. Someone with low self esteem does not feel they are worthy of the good this world can offer. When someone validates them when they do something good, the arrogance and anger usually fades away. It may take time, but it is worth it in the end. Two people getting along, respecting one another, trusting each other and loving each other can be the result of skills for coping with life and relationships. "How important is it?" is also a great tool to stay clear of any arguments. In the realm of things, there is very little to complain about, but when we feel the need to say what’s on our mind, but what’s on our mind is negative and angry, we are surely in for an argumentative situation.
Many times, while asking this of ourselves, we find it better to just keep certain things in our own minds. Again, this creates harmony and each day one can become more acclimated to a new way of coping. Compliments also help to keep good relations with others. Telling someone they look pretty today or you like the smell of their perfume, creates togetherness. Telling a man you appreciate his hard work and all the things he does around the house and with the kids and grandkids, makes him feel loved and important. This is how you want yourself and others to feel.
Some never change, or change for a time and backslide, but the soul knows who is underneath the rough exterior. The soul knows who has gone through a traumatic life which has altered their true personality. The soul knows who can be saved. The soul feels a connection that enables one to know there is hope for those who have the desire to think and act and react in a more calm and positive way. When this happens, life is good. Relationships flourish, and all the challenges of life can be shared instead of argued about. The past belongs in the past in order to clear the way for a more focused and clear headed individual.
Any of us can start over at any time. We can distract ourselves with positive things when we feel angry and don’t want to start an argument. We can self soothe with a bath, a walk outside, time on the computer, or a nap. The skills are out there. One only needs to agree that improvement is needed, and attend the classes and do the work it takes to become who the soul knows you really are.
There may be times when we run into someone who has post traumatic stress, for whatever reason. This coupled with a destructive childhood, and you have an angry, pessimistic and frustrated adult. There are many who resent hearing that the parents were to blame, but in most cases, an adult with post traumatic stress grew up in an angry and frustrating household. Parents may be hostile, rigid, negative, and annoyed by all that one can get into as a child. They may yell, scream, hit, beat, or say demeaning things to their children. It happens.
This type of behavior ruins any chance of a healthy raising of a child. Some kids are simply ignored, and the parents leave it up to the teachers to teach them what they are, in fact, responsible for, although being responsible hardly fits in these cases. Many kids turn to drugs or alcohol or unhealthy relationships. They become arrogant, egotistical and overbearing. It is their way or no way. When you take into consideration that some go through rough times of homelessness, finding oneself alone, and situations that are not healthy in any way, you know that these adults have been affected negatively.
They may live through years of psychotic behavior to others, and seclude themselves from all those who are on the right track. However, there are solutions to this abhorrent behavior. And it comes in the form of skills for behavioral modification. If one is actually intelligent, they will seek out classes to learn why they are as they are, and how to change. It is said that no one ever changes. I am proof that that isn’t so. I have learned some skills that have changed the way I think and react in a more positive way.
Therapy is sometimes a great help and can show us what we really sound and act like around others. One can correct these actions with explanations that are valid, on how to change those behaviors. If we are willing, we will learn. If we go kicking and fighting, we will come out kicking and fighting. I have learned most importantly that there are ways of saying things that don’t put the other person on the defensive. "You have to, you should, you better" are phrases that only inflame another. Stopping to think of a better way to phrase your sentences is paramount to a good and healthy relationship where everyone is happy.
There is also validation. Someone with low self esteem does not feel they are worthy of the good this world can offer. When someone validates them when they do something good, the arrogance and anger usually fades away. It may take time, but it is worth it in the end. Two people getting along, respecting one another, trusting each other and loving each other can be the result of skills for coping with life and relationships. "How important is it?" is also a great tool to stay clear of any arguments. In the realm of things, there is very little to complain about, but when we feel the need to say what’s on our mind, but what’s on our mind is negative and angry, we are surely in for an argumentative situation.
Many times, while asking this of ourselves, we find it better to just keep certain things in our own minds. Again, this creates harmony and each day one can become more acclimated to a new way of coping. Compliments also help to keep good relations with others. Telling someone they look pretty today or you like the smell of their perfume, creates togetherness. Telling a man you appreciate his hard work and all the things he does around the house and with the kids and grandkids, makes him feel loved and important. This is how you want yourself and others to feel.
Some never change, or change for a time and backslide, but the soul knows who is underneath the rough exterior. The soul knows who has gone through a traumatic life which has altered their true personality. The soul knows who can be saved. The soul feels a connection that enables one to know there is hope for those who have the desire to think and act and react in a more calm and positive way. When this happens, life is good. Relationships flourish, and all the challenges of life can be shared instead of argued about. The past belongs in the past in order to clear the way for a more focused and clear headed individual.
Any of us can start over at any time. We can distract ourselves with positive things when we feel angry and don’t want to start an argument. We can self soothe with a bath, a walk outside, time on the computer, or a nap. The skills are out there. One only needs to agree that improvement is needed, and attend the classes and do the work it takes to become who the soul knows you really are.
Validation Creates Harmony
In our fast moving worlds, how often do we take the time to say something nice or encouraging to another person? Or a pet even. If we do validate our dog for doing tricks or being good, and reward him with a treat, why don’t we validate those in our lives that do good things for us, or in general? Is it just that we expect our parent or child or husband, wife, or partner, to do these things and assume we are proud of them and grateful for their participation in our lives?
Have we seen a child’s face light up when we have complimented them on something they did or said? That feeling doesn’t go away with age. We all want to know that we are appreciated. When someone does something out of the goodness in their souls and hearts, and yes, even conscience, they would relish praise for their thoughts and effort. How often do we say thank you for the mundane chores others do? Do we praise one for cutting the grass so beautifully? Or are the thoughts staying in our minds, and not coming out of our mouths?
Is one expected to do laundry and make dinner, and never told they are appreciated for what they do? The thesaurus lists these adjectives for appreciate: cherished, adored, beloved, desired, esteemed, idolized, treasured, and loved. Wouldn’t we all like to experience those feelings? There is a saying, "give credit where credit is due." I think that is very wise. A child’s self esteem, which will one day be an adult’s self esteem, must come from these experiences. Adults also need to hear praise for their thoughtfulness and kindness or chores they’ve done for the good of the family.
"Thanks for going grocery shopping, we depend on this food", or "You colored that picture so beautifully, we can tell you put a lot of time into it", can go a long way towards harmony. Often times, we feel a certain way, but keep our thoughts to ourselves, and the other person is left without the benefits of the self esteem a few kind words can create. If we are aware of this, we can do something about it. We can start to tell others that we are thankful for them and are proud of all they do. We may think that someone looks pretty but never compliment them. Imagine how they would feel if we did.
We can brighten anyone’s day with a few kind words. Very little effort, but an affirmation someone might need and want. Those of us who live with others for a period of time, may forget to say the simplest thing, such as, "Dinner was great tonight." We think it was great, but forget to show our appreciation. The good thing is, now that you have read this, you can start validating others in your life and see what the rewards are. Those who are sullen and depressed may be lifted. Those with low self esteem, may gain a dose of it through your compliment and show of appreciation.
The best part, is usually, once a person is shown these feelings of others about something they did, they may do the same to us in return. All may find the gratification of harmony through validation. We could all try it and see if there is a difference in our relationships. I would think and hope so. Someone who doesn’t feel validated is not a very happy person, while trying their best to do the next right thing. However, take someone who is told they look nice, and their hairstyle makes them look younger, or dinner was delicious, or the grass looks great, and you’ll find a happier person. We could always try this approach on for size, and see what develops.
Remember Those Who Get Depressed Around The Holidays
The holidays can be such a happy time. If you have the money to buy other’s presents, you can’t beat the feeling of warmth and joy. Decorations go up, presents are bought, tees are cut down and ornaments come down from the attic or up from the basement or closets Parties are given, and shopping gets done. Just the wrapping paper alone can lift someone’s spirits. The FIRST snow comes and puts all in the mood for visitors coming to stay, or going to their homes, and the world seems more cheery. Cards are sent and received and feelings and family and friends are remembered, and Christmas is everywhere.
The stores are decorated and the lights are up along the streets. It is possible to be one of the happiest times of the year. However, there are those who can’t afford anything other than a small item for the kids, they don’t have decorations, and they have no friends or family. There are those in the hospitals with no one to visit. No cards are sent out, so few are received in turn. There won’t be a tree or decorations or ornaments. The food banks are filled with those trying to put together a Christmas dinner. Toys are collected in hopes of finding a child who is in need. This is the side of Christmas that isn’t so happy.
Depression is bad, but worse around the holidays, especially when they are spent alone or with others, minus the gifts, cards, and big dinner. We may not be our brother’s keeper, but many are caring and kind hearted enough to donate gifts or food, or both. God bless whomever you are for that. Taking special care of those we know who have no one, and no money for whatever reason besides laziness, is a blessing. Being alone when everyone else is happy and looking forward to a day that is simply like any other to some, is depressing.
We all know the holidays are when most suicides are committed. With so many enjoying something they can’t be part of, is draining as well as depressing. If we can’t invite them to our dinner, or give them a gift, we can help them in other ways. One is tone down the drama and saga of Christmas, but we know that’s not possible. Those who have money and decorations and trees and lights and gifts and cards, can still help someone who is depressed during these lonely and unempowering days. If we see the same man waiting for someone to buy him coffee every morning outside a coffee shop, we can buy them a cup of coffee. It doesn’t matter the circumstances-there are many.
This person could have been a prominent executive with lots of money, 2 cars, a home, and a family, but lost it all when his company was sold. They may be a veteran who lost touch with reality after seeing what they did in the armed forces, and just can’t get it together. They were protecting us, and yet, we can’t buy them breakfast on Christmas morning? Home made gifts are wonderful thoughts to give to someone you know is down on their luck. For those who have nowhere to call home, they would surely appreciate a warm, woolen pair of socks, or a heavy sweater or sweat shirt.
Yes, the holidays are supposed to be happy and merry and something to look forward to. Some admonish those who bring them down during this time. However, unless we walk in someone’s shoes, we don’t know what they’ve gone through, and we might be buying a cup of coffee for someone who saved his buddy in the war. If they are homeless through a series of events they tried to overcome but couldn’t, a "Merry Christmas" is appreciated, but unfortunately, for some, not so happy. Maybe a drama teacher could succeed in offering the kids to play a song and dance routine in a hospital or soup kitchen. Maybe a small Christmas tree could be left outside someone’s home anonymously.
There are a lot of ideas we all have that could help a fellow human being out during a very difficult time of year. Remember the broken hearted, the low in spirit, the "down on their luck."
Remember, "But by the grace of God, go I." It could be any one of us at any time in our lives. An alcoholic or a drug addict can be one of the nicest and best people you’ll ever meet. Their lives just have gone off the track, and compassion and kindness can be the help they need to get back on the right path. Besides, the truth behind being kind to someone shouldn’t come from what you personally think about that person-it is giving of your time, your wisdom, and maybe a cup of coffee, a small gift, or something to eat.
Imagine the drop in the suicide rate if we all did something for a stranger that we would do for a family member or friend. Loneliness can easily end in suicide. Maybe we can help those who are lonely, have a merry Christmas of their own. Just knowing a stranger bought them a coffee or a donut, could make their Christmas a happy one as well. Angels walk the Earth, too…we will never know who we lend our hand to.
The holidays can be such a happy time. If you have the money to buy other’s presents, you can’t beat the feeling of warmth and joy. Decorations go up, presents are bought, tees are cut down and ornaments come down from the attic or up from the basement or closets Parties are given, and shopping gets done. Just the wrapping paper alone can lift someone’s spirits. The FIRST snow comes and puts all in the mood for visitors coming to stay, or going to their homes, and the world seems more cheery. Cards are sent and received and feelings and family and friends are remembered, and Christmas is everywhere.
The stores are decorated and the lights are up along the streets. It is possible to be one of the happiest times of the year. However, there are those who can’t afford anything other than a small item for the kids, they don’t have decorations, and they have no friends or family. There are those in the hospitals with no one to visit. No cards are sent out, so few are received in turn. There won’t be a tree or decorations or ornaments. The food banks are filled with those trying to put together a Christmas dinner. Toys are collected in hopes of finding a child who is in need. This is the side of Christmas that isn’t so happy.
Depression is bad, but worse around the holidays, especially when they are spent alone or with others, minus the gifts, cards, and big dinner. We may not be our brother’s keeper, but many are caring and kind hearted enough to donate gifts or food, or both. God bless whomever you are for that. Taking special care of those we know who have no one, and no money for whatever reason besides laziness, is a blessing. Being alone when everyone else is happy and looking forward to a day that is simply like any other to some, is depressing.
We all know the holidays are when most suicides are committed. With so many enjoying something they can’t be part of, is draining as well as depressing. If we can’t invite them to our dinner, or give them a gift, we can help them in other ways. One is tone down the drama and saga of Christmas, but we know that’s not possible. Those who have money and decorations and trees and lights and gifts and cards, can still help someone who is depressed during these lonely and unempowering days. If we see the same man waiting for someone to buy him coffee every morning outside a coffee shop, we can buy them a cup of coffee. It doesn’t matter the circumstances-there are many.
This person could have been a prominent executive with lots of money, 2 cars, a home, and a family, but lost it all when his company was sold. They may be a veteran who lost touch with reality after seeing what they did in the armed forces, and just can’t get it together. They were protecting us, and yet, we can’t buy them breakfast on Christmas morning? Home made gifts are wonderful thoughts to give to someone you know is down on their luck. For those who have nowhere to call home, they would surely appreciate a warm, woolen pair of socks, or a heavy sweater or sweat shirt.
Yes, the holidays are supposed to be happy and merry and something to look forward to. Some admonish those who bring them down during this time. However, unless we walk in someone’s shoes, we don’t know what they’ve gone through, and we might be buying a cup of coffee for someone who saved his buddy in the war. If they are homeless through a series of events they tried to overcome but couldn’t, a "Merry Christmas" is appreciated, but unfortunately, for some, not so happy. Maybe a drama teacher could succeed in offering the kids to play a song and dance routine in a hospital or soup kitchen. Maybe a small Christmas tree could be left outside someone’s home anonymously.
There are a lot of ideas we all have that could help a fellow human being out during a very difficult time of year. Remember the broken hearted, the low in spirit, the "down on their luck."
Remember, "But by the grace of God, go I." It could be any one of us at any time in our lives. An alcoholic or a drug addict can be one of the nicest and best people you’ll ever meet. Their lives just have gone off the track, and compassion and kindness can be the help they need to get back on the right path. Besides, the truth behind being kind to someone shouldn’t come from what you personally think about that person-it is giving of your time, your wisdom, and maybe a cup of coffee, a small gift, or something to eat.
Imagine the drop in the suicide rate if we all did something for a stranger that we would do for a family member or friend. Loneliness can easily end in suicide. Maybe we can help those who are lonely, have a merry Christmas of their own. Just knowing a stranger bought them a coffee or a donut, could make their Christmas a happy one as well. Angels walk the Earth, too…we will never know who we lend our hand to.
Forgiveness Is A Tool, Use It Wisely
There is a movement today that stands behind ridding ourselves those who cause us heartache or drama. Brothers and sisters use it, friends use it, parents and children use it, and many who believe drama is an unwanted force in their lives. Discarding those who are difficult to deal with are tossed aside and problem solved. Really? Are these people who have shared a big part of our lives automatically forgotten? Are there not skills we could have used to deal with the problems between us that heal and not allow memories to linger and hurt our hearts, minds, and souls?
If one was close enough to invoke this type of pain, there must have been good memories left behind as well as the bad. Why bother with someone who means nothing to us? Why eliminate those we want in our lives if only they would act like we wanted them to? How much of the history and ensuing closure is on us, and how much is on them? Have we tried conveying our thoughts and feelings before we close the door on our relationships? How many connections and ties could be saved by word of mouth? How many words of mouth are spoken out of anger and ignorance instead of honesty and kindness?
We are not all geared to think and react in the right manner at the right times. Some of us take courses to learn better communication, some go to councilors and psychologists and psychiatrists to help us understand ourselves better. This, in an effort to communicate better with others, and avoid the drama, not sadden our lives by cutting out those we have true love and feelings for. Do we try to work out our differences before ending ties that once bound us to each others lives? Do we remember what attracted us to those we discard in the first place? Life is drama, and so are relationships, but ending one’s communication with a loved one can be more damaging than trying to fix what is broken.
This takes more effort, of course, and some of us don’t want to bother. We think our lives will be more content without some of our ties, our family, or our friends. We find, however, that they never really leave our minds, and sometimes that is worse than the original drama. There are ways of getting along with people if we try to treat others the way we wish to be treated. If we make mistakes, we can re evaluate and apologize, and try better forms of interactions. If this works, much heartache and loss can be eliminated. None of us is perfect, but all of us can change. It may take changing the way we think and react, but maybe those ways need to be changed.
God puts people in our lives for a reason, I believe. Sometimes, the reason is to change ourselves, sometimes, it is to change the others. Ignoring those we misinterpret or disagree with may not be the best way of dealing with life, and all it offers us. Avoiding the "drama" may simply be the easy way out. However, we often times retain the good memories, losing some of the bad memories with time, and our lives are more empty without those we have loved at one point in our lives. Again, this may be a friend or a family member. Maybe they said something to offend us. Maybe we said something to insult and antagonize them.
I think if we continue missing their existence in our lives, it is worth the "trouble" of dealing with some "drama" and setting things right. This is not thinking geared towards consistent liars or thieves, but for good people who we simply had unpleasant words with for reasons that are able to be talked about and reasoned out. Everything stems from fear, and our words or their words may have been born of this, but we can rise to the ability to make amends and feel whole again. Life is short, and once someone has passed, it is, of course, too late. Why wait? We can try to rectify our wrongs, and if others are not willing, at least we will always feel we tried.
Leaving things in ruins will only attack our minds, hearts, and souls. That seems to me to be more drama than a conversation of trying to understand our differences. If others are unwilling to have a commitment from us to try and be more thoughtful in our future actions and reactions, there is nothing more we can do. It is in the trying that we may find comfort.
There is a movement today that stands behind ridding ourselves those who cause us heartache or drama. Brothers and sisters use it, friends use it, parents and children use it, and many who believe drama is an unwanted force in their lives. Discarding those who are difficult to deal with are tossed aside and problem solved. Really? Are these people who have shared a big part of our lives automatically forgotten? Are there not skills we could have used to deal with the problems between us that heal and not allow memories to linger and hurt our hearts, minds, and souls?
If one was close enough to invoke this type of pain, there must have been good memories left behind as well as the bad. Why bother with someone who means nothing to us? Why eliminate those we want in our lives if only they would act like we wanted them to? How much of the history and ensuing closure is on us, and how much is on them? Have we tried conveying our thoughts and feelings before we close the door on our relationships? How many connections and ties could be saved by word of mouth? How many words of mouth are spoken out of anger and ignorance instead of honesty and kindness?
We are not all geared to think and react in the right manner at the right times. Some of us take courses to learn better communication, some go to councilors and psychologists and psychiatrists to help us understand ourselves better. This, in an effort to communicate better with others, and avoid the drama, not sadden our lives by cutting out those we have true love and feelings for. Do we try to work out our differences before ending ties that once bound us to each others lives? Do we remember what attracted us to those we discard in the first place? Life is drama, and so are relationships, but ending one’s communication with a loved one can be more damaging than trying to fix what is broken.
This takes more effort, of course, and some of us don’t want to bother. We think our lives will be more content without some of our ties, our family, or our friends. We find, however, that they never really leave our minds, and sometimes that is worse than the original drama. There are ways of getting along with people if we try to treat others the way we wish to be treated. If we make mistakes, we can re evaluate and apologize, and try better forms of interactions. If this works, much heartache and loss can be eliminated. None of us is perfect, but all of us can change. It may take changing the way we think and react, but maybe those ways need to be changed.
God puts people in our lives for a reason, I believe. Sometimes, the reason is to change ourselves, sometimes, it is to change the others. Ignoring those we misinterpret or disagree with may not be the best way of dealing with life, and all it offers us. Avoiding the "drama" may simply be the easy way out. However, we often times retain the good memories, losing some of the bad memories with time, and our lives are more empty without those we have loved at one point in our lives. Again, this may be a friend or a family member. Maybe they said something to offend us. Maybe we said something to insult and antagonize them.
I think if we continue missing their existence in our lives, it is worth the "trouble" of dealing with some "drama" and setting things right. This is not thinking geared towards consistent liars or thieves, but for good people who we simply had unpleasant words with for reasons that are able to be talked about and reasoned out. Everything stems from fear, and our words or their words may have been born of this, but we can rise to the ability to make amends and feel whole again. Life is short, and once someone has passed, it is, of course, too late. Why wait? We can try to rectify our wrongs, and if others are not willing, at least we will always feel we tried.
Leaving things in ruins will only attack our minds, hearts, and souls. That seems to me to be more drama than a conversation of trying to understand our differences. If others are unwilling to have a commitment from us to try and be more thoughtful in our future actions and reactions, there is nothing more we can do. It is in the trying that we may find comfort.
As The Seasons Change, So Can You
The bright colors are starting to show on the leaves, and it is magnificent and beautiful to see. So, too, can we change our own character to be brighter and more beautiful. Many of us show our best side to the world, whether on facebook, or in person. We are happy and smiling and showing the world we live in. However, there are times when we all can get a little cranky and intolerable. Our families get to see and hear that part of our lives. The pictures of ourselves on facebook don’t show the anger and frustration we sometimes go through and act upon. We share the good, and hide the bad. We don’t want anyone to see or hear us at our worst. But why does there have to be a worst? Is there a way of calming ourselves when we get emotionally tied up in our wants and needs?
Yes, there are many ways. Prayer is one. We can pray to God, and our angels, and loved ones who have passed on, to tame the side we want to hide. We can catch ourselves becoming frustrated and we can sense our character flaws trying to stay pent up and out of reach. We can soothe ourselves by prayer, taking a nice bath, going out and taking pictures, listening to calming music, taking a walk or a nap, and revitalize our good side and push away our bad. Talking to someone who understands us well and can offer good sound advice is also helpful. A hot cup of tea or a hot chocolate can calm the savage beast we all have living within our being and existence. Sometimes, professional help is needed, and warrants a change in our negative perceptions. None of us comes with a manual, and sometimes, we just need a little clarification and a dose of honest conversation.
Being a manic depressant, I need to hold these tools close, and use them often. My mind doesn’t always think the way I want it to act. I know there will be times I slip and throw caution to the wind, but being aware that there are skills to help me return to a calm and giving space, is helpful. Breathing is also a tool to help ourselves before we say things we will regret and need to make amends for. Meditation is also a viable method of bringing ourselves back to the goodness we all have inside. Arranging ourselves to be in the middle of nature also calms the soul, and lessens the fires that may be glowing within. When we feel the discomfort of frustration or anger, it’s best to stay away from those we love and care about until we can react in a more positive way.
I need to be reminded often of the tools I can use, so I go to many 12 step meetings to be reminded of how to be a better me. I’ve never come from a meeting feeling as beat up as I did when I got there. They are a blessing for me. I can go 3 or 4 times a day if I want, but once a day is sufficient. Overdoing causes lethargy and that defeats the whole purpose. It is in the meetings that I am reminded that God has a plan for me, and it appears that plan is writing and sharing, and so that’s what I do. I wrote an article about alcoholism a few years ago on the site I used to write for, and the comment I got was, "I think you just saved my life." Somewhere out there is the person who wrote that. I explained what it was and what could be done through going to meetings and having a sponsor, and it appears those were good suggestions for that reader.
I also wrote an article on depression, and suggested those who were afflicted try volunteering to get out of the house and have people to talk to and help. The comment I got was that this person took that suggestion, and their whole life changed. They were happy again, and felt needed and as if they, too, were on a mission. We are still friends some 7 years later. It’s ironic that you can affect someone’s life you never met, just by taking the time to do what you can, and it seems writing is what I can do. A very wise family member told me to continue writing, even if I helped one person, I would succeed in doing God’s will for me. I am taking that suggestion. Sometimes I have a certain idea for an article, and sometimes, I just start writing, but something always develops, and hopefully, helps someone. We can all help each other on this path of life. We just need to be motivated, believe in what we are writing about or doing as our gift, and take the time to contribute. Taking care of ourselves comes first, but if we are spiritually and physically in tune, we can do whatever we are meant to do.
The bright colors are starting to show on the leaves, and it is magnificent and beautiful to see. So, too, can we change our own character to be brighter and more beautiful. Many of us show our best side to the world, whether on facebook, or in person. We are happy and smiling and showing the world we live in. However, there are times when we all can get a little cranky and intolerable. Our families get to see and hear that part of our lives. The pictures of ourselves on facebook don’t show the anger and frustration we sometimes go through and act upon. We share the good, and hide the bad. We don’t want anyone to see or hear us at our worst. But why does there have to be a worst? Is there a way of calming ourselves when we get emotionally tied up in our wants and needs?
Yes, there are many ways. Prayer is one. We can pray to God, and our angels, and loved ones who have passed on, to tame the side we want to hide. We can catch ourselves becoming frustrated and we can sense our character flaws trying to stay pent up and out of reach. We can soothe ourselves by prayer, taking a nice bath, going out and taking pictures, listening to calming music, taking a walk or a nap, and revitalize our good side and push away our bad. Talking to someone who understands us well and can offer good sound advice is also helpful. A hot cup of tea or a hot chocolate can calm the savage beast we all have living within our being and existence. Sometimes, professional help is needed, and warrants a change in our negative perceptions. None of us comes with a manual, and sometimes, we just need a little clarification and a dose of honest conversation.
Being a manic depressant, I need to hold these tools close, and use them often. My mind doesn’t always think the way I want it to act. I know there will be times I slip and throw caution to the wind, but being aware that there are skills to help me return to a calm and giving space, is helpful. Breathing is also a tool to help ourselves before we say things we will regret and need to make amends for. Meditation is also a viable method of bringing ourselves back to the goodness we all have inside. Arranging ourselves to be in the middle of nature also calms the soul, and lessens the fires that may be glowing within. When we feel the discomfort of frustration or anger, it’s best to stay away from those we love and care about until we can react in a more positive way.
I need to be reminded often of the tools I can use, so I go to many 12 step meetings to be reminded of how to be a better me. I’ve never come from a meeting feeling as beat up as I did when I got there. They are a blessing for me. I can go 3 or 4 times a day if I want, but once a day is sufficient. Overdoing causes lethargy and that defeats the whole purpose. It is in the meetings that I am reminded that God has a plan for me, and it appears that plan is writing and sharing, and so that’s what I do. I wrote an article about alcoholism a few years ago on the site I used to write for, and the comment I got was, "I think you just saved my life." Somewhere out there is the person who wrote that. I explained what it was and what could be done through going to meetings and having a sponsor, and it appears those were good suggestions for that reader.
I also wrote an article on depression, and suggested those who were afflicted try volunteering to get out of the house and have people to talk to and help. The comment I got was that this person took that suggestion, and their whole life changed. They were happy again, and felt needed and as if they, too, were on a mission. We are still friends some 7 years later. It’s ironic that you can affect someone’s life you never met, just by taking the time to do what you can, and it seems writing is what I can do. A very wise family member told me to continue writing, even if I helped one person, I would succeed in doing God’s will for me. I am taking that suggestion. Sometimes I have a certain idea for an article, and sometimes, I just start writing, but something always develops, and hopefully, helps someone. We can all help each other on this path of life. We just need to be motivated, believe in what we are writing about or doing as our gift, and take the time to contribute. Taking care of ourselves comes first, but if we are spiritually and physically in tune, we can do whatever we are meant to do.
One Click Can Change Your Life
No matter what age, I think we all try to find things to lift our spirits and make us feel good.
For most of us, seeing our family and enjoying their antics is our whole world. However, some of us have children and grandchildren that don’t live near us. We see them on occasion, and keep up through facebook and skype. So what can we do in our own time, with ourselves or our partners, that can give us joy and make us feel happy and excited? One click can change your life in an instant, for pennies. You simply need one fire log, some kindling, some cotton balls and an excellerant such as kerosene. You take an ax and make one cut one way, and one the other. Put some kindling or shunts in between the slices. Take some metal-such as a coat hanger, and tie it around the bottom of the log. This holds it together.
Place the kindling and saturated cotton balls in the bottom of the inside. Light from the bottom, and sit back and relax. Once the fire catches, you have your own little fire pit, and as the fire burns, there are all kinds of impressions you can see in the embers. One click of a match can bring relaxation and contentment. To make it even more interesting, look up what materials will make different colors in a flame, and add some to the fire, and in another click, you can be in a whole world of beauty. We had all the materials, so were able to go to our imagination for nothing. This is three fold, first seeing the fire come out of the top, and then seeing all different shapes in the embers, and then seeing flames of blue and orange and pink and green.
All this from a little preparation and the click of a match. We used an old hot water heater as the catch all, with a square hole cut in the front. These are things one can do for enjoyment when tv and bed are the only other alternatives. It’s worth the switch! We have a lake in our back yard, and just going down and sitting on the dock, watching the water ripple, and the fish swim, brings a feeling of contentment and happiness. One click of a reel can bring joy and excitement. There are many things we can do with little money, and when all our other family is doing their own things. Sitting on the porch swing, admiring the Pocono mountains and seeing different shapes in the clouds, can alter our day.
Lying on a blanket and looking up at the stars can do wonders for our peace of mind. So many little things that can bring such joy, but how often do we take the time to enjoy what nature itself has provided for us? My car jumped a curb last Monday night, and as the stop sign and a porch light, and trees whirled past my speeding car on the grass, I thought it was the end to my road. Literally and figuratively. I thought I had passed my road, and tried to cut the wheel hard and make it. Too bad I was going 40 miles an hour, and I was obviously meant to be taught a lesson. The impact was intense, but when I stopped, I was able to look around and see where I was, and back out off the curb, and drive the 3 miles home on a blown out front tire.
I knew this wasn’t a suggested practice, but I just wanted to go home and be safe. My car ended up not having one scratch on it. The fiber glass bumpers hung a little, but they were fixed with some wire, and my tire was demolished, which can be replaced. The fire was going, and I sat and thought about what I had just been through, and what I was feeling in the warmth of the flames. Many were with me during those few minutes on someone’s front lawn. God, my angels, those who have passed on, everyone was in on this one! I thank them all. One click of the stick shift, and I was on my way back home. I was in shock, and amazed when I got home and saw my car wasn’t totaled.
I’ll be paying more attention from now on. I could have just passed the street, which didn’t even happen to be the street I thought it was. But for some reason, God thought I needed a little wake up and appreciation call. I got it! One click can change your life either way.
No matter what age, I think we all try to find things to lift our spirits and make us feel good.
For most of us, seeing our family and enjoying their antics is our whole world. However, some of us have children and grandchildren that don’t live near us. We see them on occasion, and keep up through facebook and skype. So what can we do in our own time, with ourselves or our partners, that can give us joy and make us feel happy and excited? One click can change your life in an instant, for pennies. You simply need one fire log, some kindling, some cotton balls and an excellerant such as kerosene. You take an ax and make one cut one way, and one the other. Put some kindling or shunts in between the slices. Take some metal-such as a coat hanger, and tie it around the bottom of the log. This holds it together.
Place the kindling and saturated cotton balls in the bottom of the inside. Light from the bottom, and sit back and relax. Once the fire catches, you have your own little fire pit, and as the fire burns, there are all kinds of impressions you can see in the embers. One click of a match can bring relaxation and contentment. To make it even more interesting, look up what materials will make different colors in a flame, and add some to the fire, and in another click, you can be in a whole world of beauty. We had all the materials, so were able to go to our imagination for nothing. This is three fold, first seeing the fire come out of the top, and then seeing all different shapes in the embers, and then seeing flames of blue and orange and pink and green.
All this from a little preparation and the click of a match. We used an old hot water heater as the catch all, with a square hole cut in the front. These are things one can do for enjoyment when tv and bed are the only other alternatives. It’s worth the switch! We have a lake in our back yard, and just going down and sitting on the dock, watching the water ripple, and the fish swim, brings a feeling of contentment and happiness. One click of a reel can bring joy and excitement. There are many things we can do with little money, and when all our other family is doing their own things. Sitting on the porch swing, admiring the Pocono mountains and seeing different shapes in the clouds, can alter our day.
Lying on a blanket and looking up at the stars can do wonders for our peace of mind. So many little things that can bring such joy, but how often do we take the time to enjoy what nature itself has provided for us? My car jumped a curb last Monday night, and as the stop sign and a porch light, and trees whirled past my speeding car on the grass, I thought it was the end to my road. Literally and figuratively. I thought I had passed my road, and tried to cut the wheel hard and make it. Too bad I was going 40 miles an hour, and I was obviously meant to be taught a lesson. The impact was intense, but when I stopped, I was able to look around and see where I was, and back out off the curb, and drive the 3 miles home on a blown out front tire.
I knew this wasn’t a suggested practice, but I just wanted to go home and be safe. My car ended up not having one scratch on it. The fiber glass bumpers hung a little, but they were fixed with some wire, and my tire was demolished, which can be replaced. The fire was going, and I sat and thought about what I had just been through, and what I was feeling in the warmth of the flames. Many were with me during those few minutes on someone’s front lawn. God, my angels, those who have passed on, everyone was in on this one! I thank them all. One click of the stick shift, and I was on my way back home. I was in shock, and amazed when I got home and saw my car wasn’t totaled.
I’ll be paying more attention from now on. I could have just passed the street, which didn’t even happen to be the street I thought it was. But for some reason, God thought I needed a little wake up and appreciation call. I got it! One click can change your life either way.
The Dreaded Confrontation May Be The Only Solution At Times
I was recently involved in a discussion about being uncomfortable. Feeling uncomfortable either because of drama with others, or situations that were baffling to get through. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do about our feelings of discomfort, such as physical discomfort when something is hurting us or discomfort being around people who will not or cannot change the way they present themselves and their opinions. They may be teachers or clergy or family or friends. If one person is feeling uncomfortable, there must be tension felt between them. This could go on for days, weeks, months, or years. However. There is a way of avoiding this discomfort, and that is by the dreaded "confrontation." One should think about the situation and try to come to terms with how they are about to approach another human being about something they are uncomfortable with.
Once we feel calm enough to broach a subject, and objective enough to handle the consequences, it is time for the show down. We may start out with, "Mary, I am uncomfortable when you talk about yourself and your family, but don’t seem to listen to me when I talk about myself or my family." The other person may become enraged, or they may see that you are sincere in your objective to have a better relationship. They may take the time to think about what you’ve said, and try to allow you to get a few words in edgewise while in a conversation with them. You no longer feel uncomfortable if this happens, but confrontation had to come first. The other person may not realize what they are doing or saying, or how it is affecting you. Hopefully, the end result turns out favorably, and you can use what you have learned in other areas that make you feel uncomfortable.
There are those who love to talk behind others’ backs, and it is to our benefit as well as theirs’ to let them know we are uncomfortable with that type of conversation. Again, some will walk away angry, as it is their way to gossip and bring others down while trying to bring themselves up. If that is the case, we may have lost a "supposed" friend, but we are being true to ourselves and our belief system. There are some who bring their personal problems to the table, making us feel very uncomfortable, so once more, it is best to let them know how we feel, and that we would rather keep the tone of the conversation to yourselves and the weather! Remember, we are dealing with individuals who don’t see their glaring faults on any subject, but if we want to lead a peaceful and calm life, we must let go of those who make us feel "uncomfortable." In some instances, the other person or people will actually understand what we are saying, and work on themselves and their character flaws.
This is the perfect scenario. We not only help ourselves, but we enhance their lives as well. Someone might not notice that they swear with every other word they speak, and it makes us feel unpleasant and discomforting. If we take our time and use a non judgmental voice and attitude, we might be able to get them to hear what others hear when they talk, and they may try to tone it down. This would help them and everyone they speak to in a conversation. We may want to point out to a friend that if they drank a little less at lunch, they may be able to make it to the car without falling. One less glass of wine or one less drink could retain the skills they need to walk! They may also be able to talk in a way we can understand them, instead of with a lisp or a slurring manner. We can’t help everyone, and maybe we can help no one, but we owe it to ourselves to be true to our own limits, and use our intelligence, compassion, and patience to deal with those who may not have a clue.
If we decide we don’t want to confront someone with something that is making us feel uncomfortable, then we have no right to complain. We are choosing to put ourselves with those we don’t feel comfortable with. They may be very good people with good conversation and fun to be with, but if some things they say or do offend us, we have the right and duty to ourselves to be responsible enough to point these things out. This is the very meaning of, "To thine own self be true."
We Have To Physically Put One Foot In Front of The Other To Move Forward
If we want to learn about character and character defects and get suggestions on how to change those gnarly things, we have to be physically present. The older we get, I think the more complacent we are. Eight p.m. is late for most of us, and time to snuggle in bed or on the couch and watch some tv, and go to bed. For those of us who choose to go to 12 step meetings to learn, we must push ourselves to take a shower or bath, get dressed, maybe put some make up on, or for men, a nice shirt, and drive to a meeting to get there by 8. A comforter, a dog at our feet, and a good show is so much more conducive to the way we feel. Sometimes, even going to sleep at 8 is something we would rather do.
However, there has never, in the hundreds of meetings I have attended, been a time that I didn’t feel better after going to a meeting, participating in the discussion if it is suitable, or listening to others speak. Not one time did I wish I had stayed at home. Therefore, I put myself on auto pilot, and do the necessary things to get me to a meeting on time, and most of the time, early. Seeing people and talking to some, and then sitting through an hour of reality and truths, learning the steps and how to follow them, is well worth the trouble. I seem to learn more than watching Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory. Many people have the wrong idea when they hear the word, "Alcoholic."
They picture an old man sitting on a park bench with a brown paper bag, mumbling to himself, in dirty rags for clothing. Yes, there are such unfortunates, however, the people I have met have anywhere from 90 days to 47 years worth of sobriety. They are welcoming and helpful and have been sober most of their lives. At some younger point, they went too far, and hit bottom enough to know where to go for help. They always have a smile and a handshake or a hug, and those I know from my first go around in AA some 20 years ago, for 7 ½ years, I would trust with my life. There are a few who have never stopped going to meetings. I didn’t drink for 20 years, but didn’t bother with meetings.
A couple of years ago, I decided I could have one glass of wine. I wasn’t sure if I was an alcoholic or a problem drinker, but found out, they are usually one in the same. At least I was. A few weeks later, I figured I could handle 2 glasses. One wasn’t doing anything for me. Then I switched to a few beers. I wasn’t happy with not feeling anything from them (mind you the 13 medications this alcoholic is on never seemed to enter my mind.) when that didn’t work, I went on to whiskey, then margaritas, then vodka. I got almost deathly sick one night and the wall and my partner helped me to bed where I promptly passed out, but that still didn’t stop me. I just wanted to feel that "buzz." However, it was alluding me.
One day, I bought a bottle of vodka and drank half. Nothing happened. I wasn’t buzzed, I wasn’t drunk, it was as if I never had drank. I decided I was not going to keep trying, and when I went to wal-mart that day, I threw the other half (in a brown paper bag!) into the garbage, and started going to meetings the next day. I was either going to learn how to solve my problems I was having through people who worked the steps, and could help me, or I was going to possibly kill myself. I think I saved my life! Due to crohn’s and bi polar, I am home during the day and on disability, and 8 p.m. is a long way from when I wake up. However, sometimes I take a nap, or sometimes, I just let the time pass until it’s time to get ready to go.
I see the same friendly faces, I hear the same wise suggestions, I talk with others, I share when it is appropriate for me to do so, and I put one foot in front of the other, and I move forward. These life saving meetings are within 5 minutes from where I could have killed myself or left myself in a vegetative state. Not driving while drinking was no pat on the back! Not getting silly or dizzy or getting a "buzz" wasn’t worth the risk. I try to go to 5 meetings a week, Monday through Friday, sometimes Saturday, and I take off Sundays. I go to therapy every Monday, and then straight to a meeting. As long as I continue putting that one foot in front of the other, I will live a better life. Problems will be solved in an easier, softer way.
I also have women I can call or talk to if I’m having a bad day or a depressing situation. I had reached the first step: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." My life seemed unmanageable and I thought drinking would make me feel better. Now THAT is an alcoholic’s thinking! The next 3 steps will save my life and enhance my thinking to a more productive and progressive, and saner way : Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
As long as I command my feet to move in the direction of getting to a meeting, and working the 12 steps on a daily basis, and listening to those who have gained the wisdom I want, problems will not baffle me and bring me down to such a low point. If they do, I know where to go, and who to talk to or listen to. That is a blessing, not a curse. How many of us have problems that baffle us but have nowhere to turn but our own heads? God has blessed me with the help I need, and I will keep moving my feet in respect and thankfulness for His grace. I highly recommend anyone who may have the same problem, to get the help you need through this program of recovery! Throw the bottle in the garbage and get to a meeting! The life you save will be your own, and those you may have hurt on your journey of self destruction. You will also receive the help you need to solve any problem or situation you may be wrestling with at the time. And keep going back; it works if you work it!
If we want to learn about character and character defects and get suggestions on how to change those gnarly things, we have to be physically present. The older we get, I think the more complacent we are. Eight p.m. is late for most of us, and time to snuggle in bed or on the couch and watch some tv, and go to bed. For those of us who choose to go to 12 step meetings to learn, we must push ourselves to take a shower or bath, get dressed, maybe put some make up on, or for men, a nice shirt, and drive to a meeting to get there by 8. A comforter, a dog at our feet, and a good show is so much more conducive to the way we feel. Sometimes, even going to sleep at 8 is something we would rather do.
However, there has never, in the hundreds of meetings I have attended, been a time that I didn’t feel better after going to a meeting, participating in the discussion if it is suitable, or listening to others speak. Not one time did I wish I had stayed at home. Therefore, I put myself on auto pilot, and do the necessary things to get me to a meeting on time, and most of the time, early. Seeing people and talking to some, and then sitting through an hour of reality and truths, learning the steps and how to follow them, is well worth the trouble. I seem to learn more than watching Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory. Many people have the wrong idea when they hear the word, "Alcoholic."
They picture an old man sitting on a park bench with a brown paper bag, mumbling to himself, in dirty rags for clothing. Yes, there are such unfortunates, however, the people I have met have anywhere from 90 days to 47 years worth of sobriety. They are welcoming and helpful and have been sober most of their lives. At some younger point, they went too far, and hit bottom enough to know where to go for help. They always have a smile and a handshake or a hug, and those I know from my first go around in AA some 20 years ago, for 7 ½ years, I would trust with my life. There are a few who have never stopped going to meetings. I didn’t drink for 20 years, but didn’t bother with meetings.
A couple of years ago, I decided I could have one glass of wine. I wasn’t sure if I was an alcoholic or a problem drinker, but found out, they are usually one in the same. At least I was. A few weeks later, I figured I could handle 2 glasses. One wasn’t doing anything for me. Then I switched to a few beers. I wasn’t happy with not feeling anything from them (mind you the 13 medications this alcoholic is on never seemed to enter my mind.) when that didn’t work, I went on to whiskey, then margaritas, then vodka. I got almost deathly sick one night and the wall and my partner helped me to bed where I promptly passed out, but that still didn’t stop me. I just wanted to feel that "buzz." However, it was alluding me.
One day, I bought a bottle of vodka and drank half. Nothing happened. I wasn’t buzzed, I wasn’t drunk, it was as if I never had drank. I decided I was not going to keep trying, and when I went to wal-mart that day, I threw the other half (in a brown paper bag!) into the garbage, and started going to meetings the next day. I was either going to learn how to solve my problems I was having through people who worked the steps, and could help me, or I was going to possibly kill myself. I think I saved my life! Due to crohn’s and bi polar, I am home during the day and on disability, and 8 p.m. is a long way from when I wake up. However, sometimes I take a nap, or sometimes, I just let the time pass until it’s time to get ready to go.
I see the same friendly faces, I hear the same wise suggestions, I talk with others, I share when it is appropriate for me to do so, and I put one foot in front of the other, and I move forward. These life saving meetings are within 5 minutes from where I could have killed myself or left myself in a vegetative state. Not driving while drinking was no pat on the back! Not getting silly or dizzy or getting a "buzz" wasn’t worth the risk. I try to go to 5 meetings a week, Monday through Friday, sometimes Saturday, and I take off Sundays. I go to therapy every Monday, and then straight to a meeting. As long as I continue putting that one foot in front of the other, I will live a better life. Problems will be solved in an easier, softer way.
I also have women I can call or talk to if I’m having a bad day or a depressing situation. I had reached the first step: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." My life seemed unmanageable and I thought drinking would make me feel better. Now THAT is an alcoholic’s thinking! The next 3 steps will save my life and enhance my thinking to a more productive and progressive, and saner way : Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
As long as I command my feet to move in the direction of getting to a meeting, and working the 12 steps on a daily basis, and listening to those who have gained the wisdom I want, problems will not baffle me and bring me down to such a low point. If they do, I know where to go, and who to talk to or listen to. That is a blessing, not a curse. How many of us have problems that baffle us but have nowhere to turn but our own heads? God has blessed me with the help I need, and I will keep moving my feet in respect and thankfulness for His grace. I highly recommend anyone who may have the same problem, to get the help you need through this program of recovery! Throw the bottle in the garbage and get to a meeting! The life you save will be your own, and those you may have hurt on your journey of self destruction. You will also receive the help you need to solve any problem or situation you may be wrestling with at the time. And keep going back; it works if you work it!
We Are All Flying By The Seat Of Our Pants
What a wonderful thing if we were all born with a handbook on the do’s and don’ts of life, and of our thoughts and behavior. Yes, we have parents to help us along the way, but they received no such handbook either. It is a shame all humans could not go by the steps of recovery that Alcoholics that are working their program go through. We DO have a set of guidelines, and a handbook, it is called "The Big book." We also have 12 steps and 12 traditions. I was an active alcoholic for most of 20 years. I decided to go to AA meetings, and stop drinking. Life was so much better. I had rules to live by that enhanced my life, therefore, all the lives I came in contact with, and I had people to talk to about life’s problems and possible solutions.
The definition Wikipedia gives to the alcoholic is: "Misuse, problem use, abuse, and heavy use refer to improper use of alcohol which may cause physical, social, or moral harm to the drinker. There is a reason for this definition: it is true! I went to meetings for 7 years, and learned more than I knew existed. I not only learned from the Big Book and the 12 steps and traditions, but from the speakers and people in the rooms that shared their stories. I wasn’t drinking, and I was a better person. For selfish reasons, I stopped going to meetings, but remained completely sober for 20 years-what AA members call, a "dry drunk."
I wasn’t drinking, but I wasn’t incorporating the steps into my life either. I need to be reminded on a daily basis how to think and act in the correct way, without my character flaws getting in the way. Not going to meetings, I was getting further and further into a dark place. I decided a couple of years ago that maybe I hadn’t been an alcoholic, just a problem drinker who used alcohol as an escape.
I tried drinking one glass of wine. It did nothing for me but made a pretty glass stand out in my hand. Shortly thereafter, I tried 2 glasses. Still nothing. I moved on to scotch and whiskey, and could not get the reaction I was looking for. That was a "buzz" or a lift or a relaxing feeling.
I am on 13 medications a day, but I took the chance anyway. I tried drinking beer, and after the third one, I finally started to feel that buzz. I drank a fourth. I got sick as a dog and passed out on the way to my bed. It was obvious at this point that indeed, I was an alcoholic, and maybe I should start going to meetings again. Of course, drinking was also out of the picture. About a month ago, I walked into a church basement with about 30 other people I did not know, and I began my recovery once again. However, this time, I had the wisdom of the other people, and the 12 steps to help me on my journey. If anyone is curious, the 12 steps are:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I immediately knew I was in the right place. I started going to one or two meetings a week, and now I go to 7 a week and an independent DBT program once a week. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a highly-effective, evidence-based therapy designed to treat borderline personality disorder (emotion regulation disorder), self-injury, and other disorders that are manifested through extreme emotions that include suicidal thinking and planning. The ideas in both are similar, if not the same. The 12 steps are read at each meeting, and there are step meetings that only deal with one step at a time, and I go to them all. My brain cannot retain the information I need in these steps to live a normal, happy, and healthy life. Only when I expose myself to these truths, and listen to those who have suffered in their lives as well, can I make a conscious effort to abide by these simple principles.
The exposure to these steps gives me the skills I need to implement in my life in order to be happier and to be a more sane person. However, I must be present at these meetings to retain what they have to offer. And I need to be where I can also be of help to those who need to hear what I, too, have to say. This is called, "giving back." If anyone reading this article thinks they may be in the same shape I was in, I urge you to go to an AA meeting and see for yourself how much better life can be. It not only affects us, but those we deal with, whether family, friends, or strangers. There is nothing shameful in learning skills that enable us to be calmer, more compassionate and loving, closer to the God of our understanding, and kinder to ourselves and others. And without the influence of alcohol. It most certainly is cunning and baffling.
What a wonderful thing if we were all born with a handbook on the do’s and don’ts of life, and of our thoughts and behavior. Yes, we have parents to help us along the way, but they received no such handbook either. It is a shame all humans could not go by the steps of recovery that Alcoholics that are working their program go through. We DO have a set of guidelines, and a handbook, it is called "The Big book." We also have 12 steps and 12 traditions. I was an active alcoholic for most of 20 years. I decided to go to AA meetings, and stop drinking. Life was so much better. I had rules to live by that enhanced my life, therefore, all the lives I came in contact with, and I had people to talk to about life’s problems and possible solutions.
The definition Wikipedia gives to the alcoholic is: "Misuse, problem use, abuse, and heavy use refer to improper use of alcohol which may cause physical, social, or moral harm to the drinker. There is a reason for this definition: it is true! I went to meetings for 7 years, and learned more than I knew existed. I not only learned from the Big Book and the 12 steps and traditions, but from the speakers and people in the rooms that shared their stories. I wasn’t drinking, and I was a better person. For selfish reasons, I stopped going to meetings, but remained completely sober for 20 years-what AA members call, a "dry drunk."
I wasn’t drinking, but I wasn’t incorporating the steps into my life either. I need to be reminded on a daily basis how to think and act in the correct way, without my character flaws getting in the way. Not going to meetings, I was getting further and further into a dark place. I decided a couple of years ago that maybe I hadn’t been an alcoholic, just a problem drinker who used alcohol as an escape.
I tried drinking one glass of wine. It did nothing for me but made a pretty glass stand out in my hand. Shortly thereafter, I tried 2 glasses. Still nothing. I moved on to scotch and whiskey, and could not get the reaction I was looking for. That was a "buzz" or a lift or a relaxing feeling.
I am on 13 medications a day, but I took the chance anyway. I tried drinking beer, and after the third one, I finally started to feel that buzz. I drank a fourth. I got sick as a dog and passed out on the way to my bed. It was obvious at this point that indeed, I was an alcoholic, and maybe I should start going to meetings again. Of course, drinking was also out of the picture. About a month ago, I walked into a church basement with about 30 other people I did not know, and I began my recovery once again. However, this time, I had the wisdom of the other people, and the 12 steps to help me on my journey. If anyone is curious, the 12 steps are:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I immediately knew I was in the right place. I started going to one or two meetings a week, and now I go to 7 a week and an independent DBT program once a week. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a highly-effective, evidence-based therapy designed to treat borderline personality disorder (emotion regulation disorder), self-injury, and other disorders that are manifested through extreme emotions that include suicidal thinking and planning. The ideas in both are similar, if not the same. The 12 steps are read at each meeting, and there are step meetings that only deal with one step at a time, and I go to them all. My brain cannot retain the information I need in these steps to live a normal, happy, and healthy life. Only when I expose myself to these truths, and listen to those who have suffered in their lives as well, can I make a conscious effort to abide by these simple principles.
The exposure to these steps gives me the skills I need to implement in my life in order to be happier and to be a more sane person. However, I must be present at these meetings to retain what they have to offer. And I need to be where I can also be of help to those who need to hear what I, too, have to say. This is called, "giving back." If anyone reading this article thinks they may be in the same shape I was in, I urge you to go to an AA meeting and see for yourself how much better life can be. It not only affects us, but those we deal with, whether family, friends, or strangers. There is nothing shameful in learning skills that enable us to be calmer, more compassionate and loving, closer to the God of our understanding, and kinder to ourselves and others. And without the influence of alcohol. It most certainly is cunning and baffling.
I Am The Keeper Of My Own Mind, Heart, And Soul
I have been writing for a long time. I mostly write about what I know to be the truth. However, I don’t always follow that same truth. I have readers who follow my writings, and I want it to be known that I am not always a culmination of my writings or quotes of wisdom. I make many mistakes, and regret many an outburst. There is no justification, even within my own mind. I am simply human, and humans make errors in judgment. What I try to do is take the best from what I learn, and share it with those who read my articles.
I have a big heart, and when it is crushed, I have a big attitude. One of anger and hostility. These are the reasons I go to 5 twelve step meetings a week, and therapy, and do my homework, even when I don’t feel like it. I push myself to be better than I was the day before. This takes time, and exposure to the right elements. However, I believe in everything I write, and I have Faith in the sayings I quote. I am not Mother Teresa or the Pope. I am a human being who wants to think and act in a calm and peaceful manner, even when things are going haywire. For this to happen, I need help.
I do what I have to do all day, and at 8 o’clock p.m., I am sitting and listening to those in the basements of churches. Some of the best reside there during those hours, and I learn from them and what they have to say. It is the best therapy I have received by far, even though I go to a professional as well. The "tricks of the trade" of living a clean, sober, and calm life are similar in both places. They coincide, and this is good for me. I get reinforcement five nights a week for the one hour of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) I go to one hour a week.
"Dialectical is a cognitive behavioral treatment that was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and it is now recognized as the gold standard psychological treatment for this population. In addition, research has shown that it is effective in treating a wide range of other disorders such as substance dependence, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and eating disorders."
Two of the components of this therapy are: "DBT skills training group is focused on enhancing clients' capabilities by teaching them behavioral skills. The group is run like a class where the group leader teaches the skills and assigns homework for clients to practice using the skills in their everyday lives. Groups meet on a weekly basis for approximately 2.5 hours and it takes 24 weeks to get through the full skills curriculum, which is often repeated to create a 1-year program. Briefer schedules that teach only a subset of the skills have also been developed for particular populations and settings.
DBT individual therapy is focused on enhancing client motivation and helping clients to apply the skills to specific challenges and events in their lives. In the standard DBT model, individual therapy takes place once a week for as long as the client is in therapy and runs concurrently with skills groups." I must fill out a questionnaire daily on the feelings of the day and why I felt that way and what I did about it, preferably different than I once would have handled my emotions, and I need to keep a daily journal. This is not as easy as it might seem, but I do it so I can become the calmer person and happier person I want to be. Involving others to help is very beneficial, and keeps me centered.
However, again, I don’t always stay on that center line. It is very difficult to keep a clear mind when one’s feelings are hurt or their personality is demoralized. I can go from angel to devil in a very short period of time, and a bear if my kids are hurt. Knowing this, I choose to get help from those who have been through similar circumstances and can help me stay on a more centered line of being calmer and to think first before I open my mouth. It doesn’t always happen that way, but at the very least, I am trying. I am also trying to share my thoughts and beliefs and learning with those who read my articles.
I have been writing for a long time. I mostly write about what I know to be the truth. However, I don’t always follow that same truth. I have readers who follow my writings, and I want it to be known that I am not always a culmination of my writings or quotes of wisdom. I make many mistakes, and regret many an outburst. There is no justification, even within my own mind. I am simply human, and humans make errors in judgment. What I try to do is take the best from what I learn, and share it with those who read my articles.
I have a big heart, and when it is crushed, I have a big attitude. One of anger and hostility. These are the reasons I go to 5 twelve step meetings a week, and therapy, and do my homework, even when I don’t feel like it. I push myself to be better than I was the day before. This takes time, and exposure to the right elements. However, I believe in everything I write, and I have Faith in the sayings I quote. I am not Mother Teresa or the Pope. I am a human being who wants to think and act in a calm and peaceful manner, even when things are going haywire. For this to happen, I need help.
I do what I have to do all day, and at 8 o’clock p.m., I am sitting and listening to those in the basements of churches. Some of the best reside there during those hours, and I learn from them and what they have to say. It is the best therapy I have received by far, even though I go to a professional as well. The "tricks of the trade" of living a clean, sober, and calm life are similar in both places. They coincide, and this is good for me. I get reinforcement five nights a week for the one hour of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) I go to one hour a week.
"Dialectical is a cognitive behavioral treatment that was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and it is now recognized as the gold standard psychological treatment for this population. In addition, research has shown that it is effective in treating a wide range of other disorders such as substance dependence, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and eating disorders."
Two of the components of this therapy are: "DBT skills training group is focused on enhancing clients' capabilities by teaching them behavioral skills. The group is run like a class where the group leader teaches the skills and assigns homework for clients to practice using the skills in their everyday lives. Groups meet on a weekly basis for approximately 2.5 hours and it takes 24 weeks to get through the full skills curriculum, which is often repeated to create a 1-year program. Briefer schedules that teach only a subset of the skills have also been developed for particular populations and settings.
DBT individual therapy is focused on enhancing client motivation and helping clients to apply the skills to specific challenges and events in their lives. In the standard DBT model, individual therapy takes place once a week for as long as the client is in therapy and runs concurrently with skills groups." I must fill out a questionnaire daily on the feelings of the day and why I felt that way and what I did about it, preferably different than I once would have handled my emotions, and I need to keep a daily journal. This is not as easy as it might seem, but I do it so I can become the calmer person and happier person I want to be. Involving others to help is very beneficial, and keeps me centered.
However, again, I don’t always stay on that center line. It is very difficult to keep a clear mind when one’s feelings are hurt or their personality is demoralized. I can go from angel to devil in a very short period of time, and a bear if my kids are hurt. Knowing this, I choose to get help from those who have been through similar circumstances and can help me stay on a more centered line of being calmer and to think first before I open my mouth. It doesn’t always happen that way, but at the very least, I am trying. I am also trying to share my thoughts and beliefs and learning with those who read my articles.
Humility Is The Skill That Can Avoid So Much Anger And Hurt
For me, humility is the ability to walk away from anything o anyone who is trying desperately to steal my peace of mind. I don’t have to engage in their rhetoric. I don’t have to say a word, unless it is thought about, and presented in a way that brings about order and clarity to the situation. No one likes to be demeaned. It is most uncomfortable to be lowered in dignity, honor, or standing.
To be degraded, humiliated, or mortified can drain us of any positive energy we carry within us to strengthen our minds, hearts, and souls. Practicing humility is an ongoing task. Words and scenarios can be thrown our way at any time, by any person.
I think we believe our "honor" must be upheld, so we fight back and say things time will never take away. We may be sorry later, but our words still echo in the thoughts of those we’ve attacked. How much better if the words were never said, and amends could be made and life were to go on. If we believe in our own actions, thoughts, and deeds, it is much easier to "keep our cool" while being attacked by other’s insecurities. Humility always leaves the weight of blame on our shoulders. "She said, he said" doesn’t matter when we are working on our own inventory.
We know who we are and what we stand for, an no one should be able to rattle us into a confrontation, although, it happens. Our strength of spirit comes from our Faith in a Higher power, and knowing that this higher Power is not us. They did, however, furnish us with a mind to think and work things through before we get into situations that are hurtful and uncomfortable. Our mindset has to be that of humility and knowing that we are in control of everything we think, say, and do. When hurtful words are being slung our way, we do have the power to think of ways to deter a long lasting confrontation.
Amazingly, our ways of calmly talking things through can enter into the psyche of others’ without them even knowing it. They too, can then begin to calmly state their feelings instead of yelling and screaming and shouting absurdities. We can all certainly learn from each other. Just as a baby learns how to deal with anger and discontentment, we, too, as adults can learn as well. We don’t have to scratch someone with our own anxiety. How we say what we want to get across has everything to do with the difference between an argument and peace.
"Please pass the remote" goes towards a more peaceful existence than, "Give me that remote." So often our own impatience can set the tone for love or hate, peace or war. If we need tools to help us, there are tools available. The serenity prayer is one that can help in any situation. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." Wisdom is the practice we all need to remember. None of us are perfect, nor do we always feel happy and content. However, putting our negativity out into the world, serves no purpose. The more we see examples of how our words change the attitude of ourselves and others, the easier it becomes to do so.
Peace is better for our physical as well as emotional well-being. We know this for a fact. It can only help if we focus on adding to the calmness of the world, and not filtering our negativity on others. Humility is working on ourselves, no matter what others have to say. It’s always about us, and if we can remember that, life can be more enjoyable.
For me, humility is the ability to walk away from anything o anyone who is trying desperately to steal my peace of mind. I don’t have to engage in their rhetoric. I don’t have to say a word, unless it is thought about, and presented in a way that brings about order and clarity to the situation. No one likes to be demeaned. It is most uncomfortable to be lowered in dignity, honor, or standing.
To be degraded, humiliated, or mortified can drain us of any positive energy we carry within us to strengthen our minds, hearts, and souls. Practicing humility is an ongoing task. Words and scenarios can be thrown our way at any time, by any person.
I think we believe our "honor" must be upheld, so we fight back and say things time will never take away. We may be sorry later, but our words still echo in the thoughts of those we’ve attacked. How much better if the words were never said, and amends could be made and life were to go on. If we believe in our own actions, thoughts, and deeds, it is much easier to "keep our cool" while being attacked by other’s insecurities. Humility always leaves the weight of blame on our shoulders. "She said, he said" doesn’t matter when we are working on our own inventory.
We know who we are and what we stand for, an no one should be able to rattle us into a confrontation, although, it happens. Our strength of spirit comes from our Faith in a Higher power, and knowing that this higher Power is not us. They did, however, furnish us with a mind to think and work things through before we get into situations that are hurtful and uncomfortable. Our mindset has to be that of humility and knowing that we are in control of everything we think, say, and do. When hurtful words are being slung our way, we do have the power to think of ways to deter a long lasting confrontation.
Amazingly, our ways of calmly talking things through can enter into the psyche of others’ without them even knowing it. They too, can then begin to calmly state their feelings instead of yelling and screaming and shouting absurdities. We can all certainly learn from each other. Just as a baby learns how to deal with anger and discontentment, we, too, as adults can learn as well. We don’t have to scratch someone with our own anxiety. How we say what we want to get across has everything to do with the difference between an argument and peace.
"Please pass the remote" goes towards a more peaceful existence than, "Give me that remote." So often our own impatience can set the tone for love or hate, peace or war. If we need tools to help us, there are tools available. The serenity prayer is one that can help in any situation. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." Wisdom is the practice we all need to remember. None of us are perfect, nor do we always feel happy and content. However, putting our negativity out into the world, serves no purpose. The more we see examples of how our words change the attitude of ourselves and others, the easier it becomes to do so.
Peace is better for our physical as well as emotional well-being. We know this for a fact. It can only help if we focus on adding to the calmness of the world, and not filtering our negativity on others. Humility is working on ourselves, no matter what others have to say. It’s always about us, and if we can remember that, life can be more enjoyable.
The Lack Of Trust Can Take Us To Our Knees
There are all kinds of trust , stemming from the need for honesty between two people. There are those who are constantly making plans, but never following through. Due to this lack of continuity and respect, there is not trust present in this relationship. Two people can remain friends or partners when trust is broken, but it is never the same. The loyalty of another’s word has been shattered. They basically told a lie.
There may be a craft fair or book reading or art exhibit that you are invited to go to with a friend. The days come and go, and you get no call, and no craft fair or book reading or art exhibit! They may have gone, but they never contacted you or answered your calls or messages.
It is only after a few of these occurrences before you know you cannot trust that person to keep their word. If all of their other characteristics please you, you have to simply know that what they say and what they do are usually two different things. Acceptance on your part. The other path, if it bothers you that much, will lead you to find a way to break off the relationship. There are those who are constantly late. You may be waiting for them to pick you up, or meet you somewhere, and they are always past due. Your trust in their word is once again, broken. You can not be loyal to the fact that they will meet you on time. And again, if they have other genuine personality traits that you like, you learn to accept they will never be on time, and make allowances for such. Or, the opposite could happen, and you could say no to any of the invitations to meet.
You may not always have the chance to back away from this person. It may be a family member, and to keep the peace, you keep quiet. You don’t have to get overly friendly with them, just a smile and a hello, and keep the conversation short and sweet! If they have talked behind your back, there will be no trust, but there can be communication. You may never have talked to that person again if they had not been family, but we all have to make concessions in this life. However, I would keep all of my life’s circumstances to myself. No trust. Hopefully, we realize that we can be guilty of the same things.
There is a way of being loyal, and it’s easier than not. Don’t talk about other people. That’s easier than moving our mouths and blurting out confidences or non flattering remarks. We don’t want others to do it to us, so we should refrain from doing it to others. We then become a trustworthy person, and that is a good thing. If we are late all the time, we can focus on leaving earlier and being on time. This also gives us more credibility, but once trust is broken, it is hard to restore. This is from the disillusionment that people can be trusted. The worst betrayal of trust is to be in a committed relationship, and wander outside of that relationship. It’s pretty safe to say that although time may soften the blow, trust will never be wasted on you again. It may wane with time, but when one betrays that trust, they bring us to our knees in disappointment and anger and frustration.
Trust is important. It is a leaning on a person on Earth so we can focus our attentions to getting more positive, and closer to our own soul and spirituality. When we feel we can rely on another person to watch out for us and not hurt us or let anyone else hurt us, we have trust in that person. We feel someone else has our back. We can rest a little easier. We know we’re not alone, someone cares about us and will protect our anonymity and confidences, and help us through our difficult situations without opening their mouth to anyone else. It is a confidence in someone else on this Earth. We all need to have people in our lives we can trust.
If you know someone talks about others, don’t confide in them. If you know someone is always late, don’t expect them to be on time. If you know someone likes to go out with more than one person at a time, either accept it, or get out of the relationship. There are things we can do to protect ourselves from those who do not deserve to be trusted. If we must come into contact with a co worker or a family member, we can be cordial without letting their lack of the ability to be trusted stop us from dealing with them. We need to be smart enough to know who we can trust. I think once we’ve been betrayed and hurt by someone who has let us down by ending any trust we may have had for them, we won’t make the same mistake twice.
Many of us do, over and over, and get the same results. "Give them a chance" we think to ourselves. There are only so many chances one can get in proving they can’t master the art of being honest and trustworthy. It is not your baggage, but others can and maybe will learn through your example. Keep your focus on their soul. Their mind and heart have actions of their own. However, the soul will always let you know!
It Takes Strength To Love Without Judgment
So often, we are hurt by the very people we love. They may or may not know it, but it happens. For many years, I let the actions and thinking of others affect me in a depressive and miserable way. I took on their negativity and it was as if I was burying myself in the sand. Quick sand, actually. I could feel my spirit dwindling and there was no peace of mind. I worried and I over thought and I became very depressed over the actions of others. "Loved ones!" depression is the most oppressive thing one can experience in this life.
You can lose a limb or a car or a house or a pet, and be strong enough to move forward eventually, in a positive way. When you are depressed, the situation consumes you. You think about it all day, pray about it, think more about it as you are trying to go to sleep, and wake up with an oppressive feeling. It takes a few minutes to figure out, but eventually, you remember what you are depressed and despondent about. And the cycle returns. Think about it, pray about it, try to fix it in some way, and go to sleep with it.
Someone you love has done you wrong. There are other circumstances to be upset over such as overdue bills or sickness or making sure there is food on the table, but a person you love doing you wrong is the worst by far. If you are part of the equation, it’s even worse. I went through this circle of depression for years. I recently started going to therapy and AA meetings, which I had stopped going to about 16 years ago. I am seeing good, decent people with a story to tell, and I am receiving wisdom I had lost along the way.
I have finally accepted that not everyone thinks the same or understands the same, or puts the same amount of thought into things. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love and care about us, but life gets busy and time runs away from us, and before you know it, weeks, months and years have gone by with no contact. This used to drive me insane. I couldn’t fathom not speaking to someone I cared about for any length of time. I reached out, but it was rarely, if ever, reciprocated. So, into the sand I went. No contact with people, tears flowing all through the day, nerves frazzled, stress pressing on my heart and lungs, and a feeling of desperation I never wanted to experience.
There is much for me to say about prayer. I pray to God first, as I understand Him, and Archangel Michael and my angels, and the spirits of those who have passed before me. As a result, I have started doing things for myself that don’t need others’ approval or acceptance. I am trying to be the best person I can be, and if that’s not good enough for them, then I don’t need them in my life. I try to spread some sort of word through my writings, and I do for others in any way I can. This is my life, and I have to build a barrier from those who don’t understand the simple decency of staying in touch or being honest or being grateful, and showing it through their actions.
Everyone builds from their experiences, and thinks and acts accordingly. Some don’t think stealing is a lack of conscience. Well, then stay away from me, and no more tears will be shed for you, sorry. Some don’t understand that a phone call can brighten someone’s day. It’s "too much" for them to handle. They’re "too busy." Well, then don’t call, but don’t expect any more tears from me." They never know they are being shed anyway. Excuses do nothing. It takes less time to just call and say hi to someone you care about, or send a message or an e mail, or a picture that will help brighten their day.
The satisfaction should come to both of you. You for doing a nice thing, and them for receiving something that shows that they are thought about and cared for. There’s always time to be kind. However, if we don’t hear from our loved ones or those we care about, there should be no judgment. My tears were judging. They were saying, "you are no good for not calling me, or writing me, or seeing me." I didn’t realize it then, but I do now. I can continue messaging and calling and seeing, and get pleasure out of my part. No more tears, and no more fears. It’s taken strength on my part to put these thoughts into action without judging others, I am more understanding, therefore, no longer depressed or saddened. The more I do, the better I become while trying to put a smile on someone's face. And that’s the idea….
So often, we are hurt by the very people we love. They may or may not know it, but it happens. For many years, I let the actions and thinking of others affect me in a depressive and miserable way. I took on their negativity and it was as if I was burying myself in the sand. Quick sand, actually. I could feel my spirit dwindling and there was no peace of mind. I worried and I over thought and I became very depressed over the actions of others. "Loved ones!" depression is the most oppressive thing one can experience in this life.
You can lose a limb or a car or a house or a pet, and be strong enough to move forward eventually, in a positive way. When you are depressed, the situation consumes you. You think about it all day, pray about it, think more about it as you are trying to go to sleep, and wake up with an oppressive feeling. It takes a few minutes to figure out, but eventually, you remember what you are depressed and despondent about. And the cycle returns. Think about it, pray about it, try to fix it in some way, and go to sleep with it.
Someone you love has done you wrong. There are other circumstances to be upset over such as overdue bills or sickness or making sure there is food on the table, but a person you love doing you wrong is the worst by far. If you are part of the equation, it’s even worse. I went through this circle of depression for years. I recently started going to therapy and AA meetings, which I had stopped going to about 16 years ago. I am seeing good, decent people with a story to tell, and I am receiving wisdom I had lost along the way.
I have finally accepted that not everyone thinks the same or understands the same, or puts the same amount of thought into things. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love and care about us, but life gets busy and time runs away from us, and before you know it, weeks, months and years have gone by with no contact. This used to drive me insane. I couldn’t fathom not speaking to someone I cared about for any length of time. I reached out, but it was rarely, if ever, reciprocated. So, into the sand I went. No contact with people, tears flowing all through the day, nerves frazzled, stress pressing on my heart and lungs, and a feeling of desperation I never wanted to experience.
There is much for me to say about prayer. I pray to God first, as I understand Him, and Archangel Michael and my angels, and the spirits of those who have passed before me. As a result, I have started doing things for myself that don’t need others’ approval or acceptance. I am trying to be the best person I can be, and if that’s not good enough for them, then I don’t need them in my life. I try to spread some sort of word through my writings, and I do for others in any way I can. This is my life, and I have to build a barrier from those who don’t understand the simple decency of staying in touch or being honest or being grateful, and showing it through their actions.
Everyone builds from their experiences, and thinks and acts accordingly. Some don’t think stealing is a lack of conscience. Well, then stay away from me, and no more tears will be shed for you, sorry. Some don’t understand that a phone call can brighten someone’s day. It’s "too much" for them to handle. They’re "too busy." Well, then don’t call, but don’t expect any more tears from me." They never know they are being shed anyway. Excuses do nothing. It takes less time to just call and say hi to someone you care about, or send a message or an e mail, or a picture that will help brighten their day.
The satisfaction should come to both of you. You for doing a nice thing, and them for receiving something that shows that they are thought about and cared for. There’s always time to be kind. However, if we don’t hear from our loved ones or those we care about, there should be no judgment. My tears were judging. They were saying, "you are no good for not calling me, or writing me, or seeing me." I didn’t realize it then, but I do now. I can continue messaging and calling and seeing, and get pleasure out of my part. No more tears, and no more fears. It’s taken strength on my part to put these thoughts into action without judging others, I am more understanding, therefore, no longer depressed or saddened. The more I do, the better I become while trying to put a smile on someone's face. And that’s the idea….
You Wanted To Go
You wanted to go, you begged to the Lord up above..
Take me during the night you asked, make me be a morning dove.
Life is too hard, and my stress has been deep
I changed my mind, Dare I even utter a peep
I believe I can start over again, and beg for my life,
This time I’ll put the effort in and disregard all the strife.
It will be easier to pass on with the physical and emotional problems at bay
But I know I can still use my words to sincerely pray to stay.
I want to live longer, I want to be well,
I want to live in more than just one day of Hell.
I wanted to escape, but the closer I get, the deeper I want more
More chances to change what is bad, and make it all good.
If that isn’t possible, I’ll create my own happiness, as I should.
I’ll go to my therapy, and learn what I have hidden inside
I need a messenger to start me on this new ride.
Always depending on others to make me feel good,
When I could watch a log burn, and make me feel as I should.
Have I learned just in time or do I need to see more of the bad,
Please, Dear Lord, let me have what I had.
I will change it and make it better and soar though the sky.
A big difference than wanting to die.
Stress has strangled me my whole life through
Don’t let it take me out, I still have more to do.
You wanted to go, you begged to the Lord up above..
Take me during the night you asked, make me be a morning dove.
Life is too hard, and my stress has been deep
I changed my mind, Dare I even utter a peep
I believe I can start over again, and beg for my life,
This time I’ll put the effort in and disregard all the strife.
It will be easier to pass on with the physical and emotional problems at bay
But I know I can still use my words to sincerely pray to stay.
I want to live longer, I want to be well,
I want to live in more than just one day of Hell.
I wanted to escape, but the closer I get, the deeper I want more
More chances to change what is bad, and make it all good.
If that isn’t possible, I’ll create my own happiness, as I should.
I’ll go to my therapy, and learn what I have hidden inside
I need a messenger to start me on this new ride.
Always depending on others to make me feel good,
When I could watch a log burn, and make me feel as I should.
Have I learned just in time or do I need to see more of the bad,
Please, Dear Lord, let me have what I had.
I will change it and make it better and soar though the sky.
A big difference than wanting to die.
Stress has strangled me my whole life through
Don’t let it take me out, I still have more to do.
For Every Period Of Time, There Is A Reason
At the time we start figuring out what words mean, and can communicate, we go through about 8 years of fun and frustration and wonderment. It is that period of time in our lives that we are supposed to do just that. Learn. Absorb different characteristics and phrases and ideas, and thinking for ourselves. Only, we have bosses who we must listen to. Again, that is this part of our lives. There is a reason for this part of our lives, even when we may not know it. The focus is on growing and learning and aging into teens.
Then we have those lovely 7 years to deal with. So much pressure at times. School and parents and siblings and friends and teachers. A lot to keep up with. If we do what we should, this period of time goes smoothly enough, but if we don’t follow the rules of the adults in charge, we can become very unhappy. Maturing and showing better judgment is the focus of these years. Making the slip ups and learning from them happens often. Drugs, alcohol, the affects, the embarrassments and the undoable mistakes happen often. But for this period of time, this is the reason.
The 20’s usually lighten up as far as problems other than financial. Car insurance, rent, utilities, food, clothes, entertainment, all on you and dependent on whether you have money or not. A lot of room mate situations, and all that entails, and living at home occur, and the years tick by as fast as all the others did. You can now drive, drink, own a home, a car, rent an apartment, go to clubs, and practice your learned behaviors or relive them over and over. Even when you have a full time job, and live in a home or apartment, things are hard and bills must be paid.
Marriage may happen, or living together, and babies may appear, and life is hard, but some fun has to be deemed reasonable. The 30’s and 40’s are usually spent making life work. Family is a big focus for most, and for those who are single, it is a time of challenge as well. One foot needs to be put in front of the other, and life must be lived and although some parts may be rough, relaxation and enjoyment should be enjoyed as much as possible. Each day that passes is another day lost. So much can be squeezed in to each one of those days if we put forth the effort it takes to simply live as calmly as we can, and laugh as often as possible. For this period of time, this is the reason.
Unfortunately, it’s not until the 50’s and 60’s that we realize this. These years have a reason as well as all the others. They are a great time of reminiscing and trying not to waste the days between doctor’s visits and reunions with kids and grand kids and family. A lot of good cooking goes on during these years. Slowing down is a natural, even though it tends to make us feel old. Another series of time that has a reason.
I haven’t experienced the 70’s and 80’s yet, but I can imagine moving a little slower, and feeling a little older. Maybe a lot older! There are, however, still good times to be had at intervals we can handle, and life can be good. Instead of thinking about the end rearing it’s head in our later years, we can live each day to the fullest, and let nature take it’s course. The 90’s are fathomable in this day and age, and many people now live past 100. Slowing down and settling in may be the reason for this period of time.
There is always a reason, and as long as we accentuate the good and down play the bad, we can live very happy and healthy lives. There may be bad things that happen, but there is always a reason!
At the time we start figuring out what words mean, and can communicate, we go through about 8 years of fun and frustration and wonderment. It is that period of time in our lives that we are supposed to do just that. Learn. Absorb different characteristics and phrases and ideas, and thinking for ourselves. Only, we have bosses who we must listen to. Again, that is this part of our lives. There is a reason for this part of our lives, even when we may not know it. The focus is on growing and learning and aging into teens.
Then we have those lovely 7 years to deal with. So much pressure at times. School and parents and siblings and friends and teachers. A lot to keep up with. If we do what we should, this period of time goes smoothly enough, but if we don’t follow the rules of the adults in charge, we can become very unhappy. Maturing and showing better judgment is the focus of these years. Making the slip ups and learning from them happens often. Drugs, alcohol, the affects, the embarrassments and the undoable mistakes happen often. But for this period of time, this is the reason.
The 20’s usually lighten up as far as problems other than financial. Car insurance, rent, utilities, food, clothes, entertainment, all on you and dependent on whether you have money or not. A lot of room mate situations, and all that entails, and living at home occur, and the years tick by as fast as all the others did. You can now drive, drink, own a home, a car, rent an apartment, go to clubs, and practice your learned behaviors or relive them over and over. Even when you have a full time job, and live in a home or apartment, things are hard and bills must be paid.
Marriage may happen, or living together, and babies may appear, and life is hard, but some fun has to be deemed reasonable. The 30’s and 40’s are usually spent making life work. Family is a big focus for most, and for those who are single, it is a time of challenge as well. One foot needs to be put in front of the other, and life must be lived and although some parts may be rough, relaxation and enjoyment should be enjoyed as much as possible. Each day that passes is another day lost. So much can be squeezed in to each one of those days if we put forth the effort it takes to simply live as calmly as we can, and laugh as often as possible. For this period of time, this is the reason.
Unfortunately, it’s not until the 50’s and 60’s that we realize this. These years have a reason as well as all the others. They are a great time of reminiscing and trying not to waste the days between doctor’s visits and reunions with kids and grand kids and family. A lot of good cooking goes on during these years. Slowing down is a natural, even though it tends to make us feel old. Another series of time that has a reason.
I haven’t experienced the 70’s and 80’s yet, but I can imagine moving a little slower, and feeling a little older. Maybe a lot older! There are, however, still good times to be had at intervals we can handle, and life can be good. Instead of thinking about the end rearing it’s head in our later years, we can live each day to the fullest, and let nature take it’s course. The 90’s are fathomable in this day and age, and many people now live past 100. Slowing down and settling in may be the reason for this period of time.
There is always a reason, and as long as we accentuate the good and down play the bad, we can live very happy and healthy lives. There may be bad things that happen, but there is always a reason!
Everything Is Temporary-Focus On It
I have never liked change. I wanted everything to stay the same; my family, my home, my time in school, my kids being infants and babies, my mom always being around, and yet; everything changed around me. I remember not being able to wait to be sweet 16, then 17 to get my license, then 18 to be able to drink legally (at the time) then 21. At 28, I got married, and at 29 I had my first child of 3. I spent the next 21 years being a mom, a cook, a housekeeper, a referee, a mentor, a nurse, a psychologist, and all that a mom entails. My kids father worked on an oil boat, and was home for 2 weeks, and gone for 2 weeks, and there were times I was so tired I didn’t think I could go on. I remember vividly, lying down after a long and busy day, and thinking, only 9 more days! Then, I could take a shower without an infant sitting in their seat on the bathroom floor, or getting a break cooking, cleaning, or running around. It was a lot of physical and emotional work, but I loved being a mother, and being a big part of their lives. They all played softball and basketball and I loved watching them shine as they pushed themselves and showed their determination and dedication. My excitement and happiness was waning as they grew, but it didn’t dawn on me that it was because they were getting older, and things were changing. The time to myself I craved for years was happening as they went through their teens and spent most of their time in school and their rooms. However, they were still there, and my family was under one roof. Before I could turn around, it seemed, they were out of the house and on their own. I no longer saw them or talked to them everyday. I went through quite a depression for a couple of years. I just couldn’t accept that everything and every experience is "temporary." And I couldn’t put my finger on why I was feeling so empty and useless and sad. When my kids were very young, my mom passed away, and again, it was so difficult to comprehend that her role in my life had been simply "temporary." I didn’t think of it that way. I mourned and I experienced grief, but I didn’t have the notion to accept that everyone and everything is "temporary." As I grew and evolved, even as an older adult, it finally came to me that I never had been able to accept change in a healthy way. Recently, it hit me: every minute is temporary. Anything can happen in a second. Some things can change the course of your whole life. I believe if I had focused on this idea, many times of deep grief and depression could have been avoided or lessened. For whatever reason, without being aware, I thought things would always stay the same. Believing this and not that life and situations and relationships and feelings are temporary, greatly and negatively affected my moods. I think we all come to this conclusion at some point in our lives, I only wish I had realized it at a much earlier age. Yes, we have parents, but as we grow older, so do they! They pass, as do pets we have had for years, and children leave against our hopes that they will stay, jobs change, relationships end, cars we’ve driven for years need to be replaced, and it is simply a matter of everything being temporary. Trying to hold on to people, places, and things, can lead to a lot of disappointment, sadness, confusion, and depression. I went through it all. I believe in prayer, and I prayed for the wisdom and guidance to get myself out of the darkness and into a brighter, lighter state of being. It took a while, but I recently came to the revelation that everything is "temporary", and if I focused on that fact, life would be a lot easier and less worrisome. I believe I received the wisdom I so fervently prayed for. It was dark as I woke up this morning, and looked out at all the snow, and took a picture, but it came out too dark. In about an hour, it was light out and I took more pictures and they came out with the light that had changed from the darkness. The darkness of the early morning was temporary, as the light of the day shall be. It’s so much easier to deal with life when I focus on that simple fact. When we sit down to a delicious meal, and taste the food on our plate, we enjoy it, but it is temporary. Before we know it, the food is gone, and the tastes just linger in our minds, not in our mouths. When we get our hair cut, and we’re so happy it isn’t in our eyes, and it looks nice and neat, it is a good feeling. But it is temporary. Before we know it, our bangs grow, the rest of our hair grows, and we have to get it cut again. We can’t expect that things will not change. I feel as if I just had my first child, a little baby girl at 10 a.m., and she is a sergeant in the army in Germany; her infancy and teens and twenties were temporary. My son I just took home one day after we moved into our brand new house is 27 and married and living on his own now. My youngest is a man at 24, and making his own decisions. My brand new home is 27 years old! My puppy is 10! Everything is temporary! Once I started thinking this way, my moods became easier to keep at a higher level of peace and fulfillment. This is my newest article, but as I write my next one, that fact will change. I no longer cling to everything and everyone staying the same. It is easier to "let go!" I am more at peace. I enjoy each moment and each day more. It took me 58 years, but I am thankful that I finally reached out for the help I needed to change my "temporary" moods of depression and sadness into those of excitement and happiness! Focus- everything is "temporary!" _There Comes A Time When We Know Enough Is Enough
There are many of us who start out in a loving, caring, exciting and warm relationship. We fall deeply in love, or what we think is love, and attribute control as the other person "taking care of us." They may have outbursts at times, but we believe they will learn from us, and calm down as time goes on. In time, we are the ones who learn that we are being degraded and we let it slide, hoping the other person will "change!" Some do, but others continue their cycles of abuse, and we hold on to the better times when the cycles are calm and understanding and caring and loving. These abusers take on a sense of control and begin doing everything their way, and we depend on them to get things done. They can paint the house, take care of the property, cook delicious dinners, and become our "saviors." We seem to start doing less and less for ourselves. At first, this is a novelty, but in time, we see that it is control and we have no say in what goes on in our lives. They make all the decisions, and we are left to tag along. When we reach a point and begin to argue and fight back, the wars begin and are more frequent. They don’t want their control to end so they rebel and stoop to degrading words that hurt and make us feel worthless and less than human. This lasts for a while, and then the sun comes out, the abusers mood changes once again, everything runs smoothly, and we tend to fall in love with them again. Maybe this time they will see how much better things are when there is no fighting or arguing. We do fun things together and they become romantic and the idea that they are our soul mates pops into our minds once again. We don’t want to live without them because we don’t want to miss those good times. As they get older, they’ll change! Only, we find that as time passes, the arrogance and superiority thickens, and we spend days and weeks apart. Others listen to our stories of what has been happening to us, and can’t understand why we would want to stay in their company. It is hard to explain, but it is an addiction and a codependency that is hard to break. How will we take on the things they do that we don’t bother to learn? Maybe talking to them during their good moods will make a positive reaction for the next time they become impatient. They will think about what we said, and they will surely change. And they may for a while. We begin to have hope that we have "saved them" and things will begin to be normal! And then they strike again, and again, and again. We barricade ourselves in our rooms until the smoke settles and the person we believe is at their core, once again, comes shining through. We read up on domestic violence and narcissism, and think we have their behavior understood. We blame their past associations and circumstances, and try to be patient and pray they will grow and change into who we have seen in times of goodness and love. However, it is never far away that their true colors come out to play again. Friends, family, and neighbors get fed up with hearing about our circumstances, and don’t want to go through the drama, so they stay away. We are lost in an empty world with our "prized possession." We think we are the only ones who can truly understand them and support them with excuses and tales of good things they do for us in times of their non depressive states. We are aware that no one understands, but we do! If only they were in our shoes! We learn not to mention the situations that plaque us, and answer the question, "how are you?" with the lie of "fine." We may go to therapy ourselves to try and get to the bottom of what the problem is, but quickly find out, it is not us. We simply have fallen in love with someone who doesn’t really know how to love others themselves. They have no empathy or compassion, and we see it over and over, but try to justify their thoughts and actions. They have no self confidence, so any little thing that is said, can set them off in a defensive way. The intent may not have been to do so, but the results are their reactions. We cry often, and pray continually for the help and guidance to lead us on the path of what to do. The thought of leaving is overwhelming to us, so we stay. The barrage of put downs affects our immune systems and makes us too weak to fight back the never-ending violence. It is easier in our minds to stay, than to pack everything up and move away. Surely, things will get better. Our relationships with others becomes strained, and some leave us for good. Our respect level we had gained with these people vanishes. The strength they always thought we had is diminished in their eyes. They begin to think maybe we are just stupid! We tend to think that as well. Then, an unspeakable act occurs, and we finally know we have had enough. There is no longer any love lost between us, and hatred and dread to be with each other becomes apparent. This is when we must take action, and move on. There is no longer any laughter or loving moments, and we decide to make a fresh start, no matter how much it hurts our soul. Our hearts are shattered, and we know we need to get away before it is too late to repair our best attributes. Once this happens, our minds are made up, and nothing is strong enough to keep us together. The time has finally come. Others are leery that we will once again give in and let ourselves be sucked back into the domestic violence that has plagued us for so long. But once the mind, heart, and soul wake up, there is a new found strength and recognition that the best thing to do is leave the relationship and start a new life for ourselves. We begin to picture what that would be like, and our old excitement returns. We no longer can see ourselves with this partner that only thinks about themselves unless they are in a good mood, which doesn’t happen often. We are reborn, and the sun shines bright again. The dark clouds and the tiptoeing around is no longer necessary. We are done! Life is too short and too precious to live it in the manner we have grown accustomed to. We are smart, caring, loving, compassionate, understanding, responsible and rational human beings. We need to be able to practice these fundamental qualities within ourselves without harassment or judgment. Let those who see the dark qualities in themselves go, and find someone else to take our place of degradation and shame. We are ready to free ourselves and be who we were always meant to be. Not everyone can be saved or or altered in a way they understand and change. That’s not to say that some are not smart enough to learn how to change for the better, but for those who have no desire to do so, good-bye is the only word they must hear. Acting Superior To Others Because One Feels Inferior To Themselves Is A Disease
We are all equal-that’s what we say anyway. However, there are those who feel so inferior to themselves for the thoughts they have had and the behavior they have shown, that they act superior to others in times of anger and frustration. They may have good hearts and souls and mean well most of the time, but when their personality feels threatened, they revert back to an unhealthy attitude of superiority and anger that inflicts fear on those around them. They then get over their "moods" and are loving, caring, compassionate, helpful, and responsible. At these points, they don’t understand why they have alienated those around them. They know they have crossed lines, but they expect others to "understand" them, and forgive their tyrannical outbursts. When others choose not to do so, they are bewildered and strike out again at those who have no time or desire to deal with their ongoing mood swings. There are those who spend their whole lives in this desperate situation, and never change because they never take the time to listen to what others have to say about their demeanor. As individuals, we tend to remember only the bad. It is the usual, not the unusual. The arrogance and foul talk and angry disposition of one who cannot and will not stop their actions, is instilled in the minds they affect. The "wounded victim" cannot understand why they are despised and hated by some. It takes one who is non judgmental and understanding and intelligent, to know where these outbursts come from. They are the ones who will stand by the individuals who show so much hatred one minute, and so much kindness and love the next. Their lives will be negatively affected, but their belief in God and Faith and Hope, guide them to try and break through one’s sense of disgust in themselves for acting this way. It may take years, but when and if the breakthrough comes, it is a Godsend to all. We are all here for one reason, to learn how to love, and unfortunately, there are some who need to be shown how to do so. We can walk away, and keep the drama and hurt from our hearts, minds, and souls, or we can try and reach those who don’t know what they are doing. We can show them a better way to conduct themselves. One that is more conducive to who they really are. Anger is a very hard emotion to deal with and most of us don’t know where to begin. It takes strength and stamina to convince one that they are one of God’s children, and therefore, are loved and wanted, but must learn how to treat others in times of frustration and anger. No one should ever be belittled or made to feel "less than." Usually, those who have been treated as such, are the ones who treat others the same way. They simply know no other way. We may, however, be the one who God has picked to show them through our actions and words. It is a daunting task, but I believe, one that can be accomplished. Some have never experienced love through parenting or friends or relatives. It is hard to believe, but it can happen. Once they have survived their childhood’s, they have no boundaries to turn to in order to teach them how to behave. Their sense of feeling like inferior people entices their fur to go up when confronted with an experience they don’t know how to handle. They act upon these experiences through dark thoughts and foul put downs and try to hurt the ones they think are hurting them. When the dust clears, they feel shame and a sense of being a lower type of person than the rest of us, and try to make up for it in ways of being caring, responsible, and loving. Some of us know what they are doing and accept it, and some turn the other cheek. Being the person I am, I keep my cheek available, and this has caused great amounts of depression and hurt feelings, but it is what I believe the God of my understanding would want from me. I don’t like throwing people away, even if their problems affect me in a negative way. If I can help, I try my hardest. I have learned that it is their problem, not mine, and I can only help them learn how to cope. If they reject that help, I must let it go, and hope they recycle my words and learn on their own. However, I put my words out there! Trying is the best I can do. It is the best any of us can do. It is our choice if we want to continue, or throw in the towel. "They" say that people cannot change, and yet, I know I have. The experiences and situations that have crossed my path have made me who I am today, and if I can do it, I believe, others can as well. I have gone through counseling, and prayer, and miracles happening in my life that I believe can also occur in others. I am not the same person I once was, and I have researched and learned enough to change my bad attitudes and behaviors to more positive outcomes. I didn’t give up on myself, and I don’t want to give up on others. If I can share what has worked for me, and improve someone else’s life, then I am up to the task. I also know when to stop, and protect myself from further abuse. I don’t believe life was ever meant to be easy, it never has been for me. However, I do believe one can improve on their ideas and thoughts and actions, and it may take someone who cares to help them on their way towards peace and the connection to their souls. Schools are meant to teach, and I believe we as humans, are meant to teach what we know as well. Yes, it may be easier and less depressing and hurtful to kick someone out of our lives that is in turmoil and causes heartache to those around them. I, for one, would rather learn how to help those that need it and return them to their highest potential, and eradicate their feelings of self loathing and pain. I may be naive, but I have witnessed great strides in myself, and I believe I can help others to attain those same changes. Low self esteem is a disease, and God will let me know when to let go. 
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Be Careful What You Pray For
Our lives can become filled with situations and relationship problems that drag our spirits down and make us pray for things we might not really want. I had been praying, during a very low point a month ago, that God would take me in the night. I thought it would be better to be a spirit in hopefully Heaven, than to endure any more pain in the Hell I felt I was in. I believe in an afterlife, and not feeling any pain or suffering, and it sounded good to me. In the meantime, I was going for tests for chest pains. The doctors were focusing on my heart, with ekg’s and stress tests on the treadmill and with nuclear dye. Finally, it became apparent through the last 64 slice cardiology test that there were abnormalities in my lung and enlarged lymph nodes. Uh-oh. What did I do? Now, I have to go one day from now to a pulmonologist with the cd of the nuclear test and hear whatever it is that is wrong, and what can be done. My feelings have changed to those of wanting to live and my desire to do things has returned, and my depression has lessened, but the doctor’s visit still remains. I could never know at this point in time, but I can understand if God is tying to teach me a lesson. Now, I have to fight for my life, and not ask for it to be taken. I guess it depends on how hard I fight and if God feels I have learned to be more patient and altruistic and loving. I need to truly leave the past behind and start my life over at 59. I know I can do it, and I believe I could be given the chance, but it may take time, more tests, surgeries, treatment, etc. for God to be convinced that I want to live. It’s surreal to be sitting here, knowing that within 48 hours, I will know the outcome of my future, medically at least. Yes, I have smokes all my life, but so have many other people who have grown old and died with a bourbon in their hand, a cigarette in their mouth, and drugs on their dressing table, at a ripe old age. Whatever happens, I will have to deal with it, but I hope now, where I had lost hope for a time. Now I am praying I will be all right, or there is treatment I can handle and recover, and start from scratch. How did it come to this? I missed my 3 kids who are on their own, and I was arguing with people I was in close relationships with, and I just didn’t want to live like that anymore, and I didn’t think it would change. I turned to God whom I always turn to, but I asked for the wrong thing. I should have asked for the guidance to make it through, although I had started with those words before I fell so low. The guidance wasn’t coming. The pain wasn’t stopping. The arguing wasn’t ending. The future seemed black, and the present most assuredly was already black. Now will I get what I prayed for? Can I change my mind? Can I replace those prayers with others of asking to be healthy enough to live a life I can enjoy with my partner and family and friends? I certainly am trying. Do I have to go through another type of Hell to learn the lessons I should have known, or will I get a second chance? I will, of course, post a sequel to this article once I find out what is wrong and what can be done. I pray something can be done. Will that trump asking to be taken in the night? Or is it all just coincidental? I’ve always been told that coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous, and I tend to believe that. I may now have to work at living because I didn’t think of the right way to express myself and how I felt at the time. The desire I lost wouldn’t have necessarily come back had I not faced not being here at all! In any event, be careful what you pray for. Choose your words wisely. Ask for guidance, not death, or you just may get it! 
Worry Can Be All Consuming
For someone who believes in God, and all the quotes about Faith and God’s wisdom watching over us, I cannot seem to find a way to stop the worry that circles my mind in a constant fashion. If it’s not for one thing, there’s always another. I have lived long enough to know all things work out for the best in the end, even if they don’t happen the way we wanted or prayed for, but my mind chooses to worry anyway. No matter how I try to think positively, there is something in my brain that gravitates to worry. With worry comes regret and guilt and the wondering of what I could have done differently in any given situation. The fact remains, everything happened just as it was meant to, and I can only control what I think, do, and act like now. I am well aware we do what we know how to do, and when we know better we do better. This is of no help once my mind takes over. For me, worry is not just a mental process, but it makes me physically ill, and holds me back in every area of my life. I am getting better with age and practice, therapy, good friends and family and wisdom, but it still remains attached to my being. The thing is, I usually never worry about myself, but rather others, and how I may have affected them when my intentions were good, but maybe my actions seemed opposite. Mistakes are made by all, but when someone thinks we have wronged them, they can make us feel like a failure to them and ourselves. It’s much easier to blame others than to take our own inventory. What did we do and act like in any given situation or circumstance? If we think someone has wronged us, there is no doubt we played our part! However, some will never admit to that or even realize it. That should be their problem, but worry always makes it mine! Having bi polar, negative thoughts are my absolute enemy, but yet they penetrate my medications, my knowledge, my faith, and my life. I am closer to dealing with worry than I have been, but there are still residual thoughts that haunt my every minute. These thoughts cause me feelings of inadequacy, failure, and stupidity for choices I have made in the past. Retrospect can be a tough pill to swallow. My heart is big, and has been open wide many times, but I have made many poor decisions I regret. Some understand, some hold onto their grudges. I know I should move on and focus on myself today, but try as I might, my mind has other ideas. Ideas that are haunting and at times, unrealistic, but damaging nonetheless. As for those who only feel others are to blame for their problems, the worry I experience can be all consuming. Let go and let God, and yet we are all responsible for our own thoughts and actions, so that statement is always confusing to me. Trying to point out to others their part in the situation is almost always futile. Blame is their game, and worry is my reaction. No one wants to admit they were wrong or thought inappropriately or acted in a negative way. They would much rather put the toll of any circumstance on another or others, and when I am the "other", their thoughts and feelings worry me. I want to be stronger and less attached to the way my mind gravitates to me being the culprit, but it is usually a useless battle. And the worry begins! Thoughts swirl through my mind until I think I will lose my mind, or maybe that I already have! I can’t sleep in the stillness of the night. I have a sound machine in an effort to drown out the plaguing thoughts, but that only works to a point. "Thinking" creeps through the sound of rain! Therapy does help, as it is supposed to, but with all this snow, I haven’t been able to get out! Of course, this doesn’t help my depression or my mind’s desire to strangle me. The taunts of those who don’t realize their part in their problems only fuels my mind’s fire. The "what ifs" are endless, and sleep comes more easily during the safety of the daytime hours. I have allowed others to cause me to doubt who I have always thought I was, a caring and loving person. Maybe I wasn’t! Maybe I was! Maybe life just is what it is at any given point. Whatever the reason, worry consumes me more than I would like. Consequences for others actions shouldn’t be my cross to bear, but I don’t know how to fight the feelings of inadequacy and failure I ultimately feel. Could I have thought things through better? Yes, of course, but I honestly never thought I set out to deliberately hurt anyone. Obviously, there are those that think that I did. I’ve tried to explain the way I see things, and apologize for any harm I may have caused, but most people want to hold on to their whipping posts. It’s always easier to point the finger at someone else. Those fingers are buried in my brain! How ironic that anyone who chooses to skip their part and hand it over to me is the one in the wrong. Their suffering always seems to be greater than anyone else’s, certainly mine, and they revel in spreading their words of anger and hatred. They hurt, and they will make darn sure someone else does, too. When that someone is me, worry takes over and sticks around until it has done it’s job and beaten me down. If there was one thing I could rid myself of, it would be worry. I am trying to be the best I can be. I have learned many things over time, and am who I am now, not anyone I ever was in the past. I am proud of the changes I have made, and should shut out the anger and blame of the past. Maybe tomorrow! Change Is In The Eye Of The Beholder
There may be times in our lives when we feel hollow and unappreciated. We feel unloved, and our mood is that of pure desperation and depression. We pray, we enlist the prayers of friends and family, we stay to ourselves, and we continue to suffer daily. It may seem to us during these times that the guidance we need so desperately, will never come. We might give up and give in to a life filled with heartache and guilt. Our blankets are the closest thing to us during these times. Ambition is nowhere to be found or felt, and we lose our ability to enjoy life and those we love. We hopelessly try to change the thoughts and feelings of others, to no avail. We resign ourselves to a life of solitude and loneliness, and accept that these is what will be our final days. It may feel that we stepped off the train at the wrong lifetime. Mistakes loom heavy in our hearts and minds, and happiness is totally out of our realm. Our health suffers, our relationships dwindle, and our desire for life is over. Tears appear constantly and we can see no way to alleviate the way we feel. I have been to this place, and I have also climbed my way back out. Change was in my power, and once realized, it was my saving grace. A change was needed in the way I felt and that came about by the way I thought and acted. No one can control our thoughts or actions but our own selves. Until we decide for ourselves that we are going to try things a different way, they will stay the same! I believe in God and angels and asking for their help and guidance. I did this for months. One day, I decided it was time. Time to think about what I could do to enhance my life and feel happiness once more. What I could do, was change myself! I had received the guidance I had been fighting to capture. I found that communication was my key to get me to the next step. What could I say to those I loved and cared about, and how could I say it that would improve the situation between us? It is always "how" we communicate that is even more important and wiser than "what" we say. As I found the softer and more composed way of doing this, I started seeing and feeling a difference. And that difference felt good. It gave me the will and the desire to persevere and change my own quality of life. No one could do it for me. I started with little things such as cleaning and organizing and making my surroundings more peaceful and calming. My room is my sanctuary, so I started there. As I saw my favorite knick knacks and furniture come back to life, I started to come back as well. This led to other rooms I had once enjoyed spending my time in and my inspiration and happiness was beginning to come alive once again. I worked on relationships that meant the most to me, and as they improved, so did my attitude and my mood swings. The blankets came off, and I pushed myself to accomplish something positive everyday. I was getting stronger, and I was aware of the change I was promoting. I focused on being my genuine self, and not worrying about the things I had no control over, and concentrated on those things about my own self I could and did change. It was hard not thinking about loved ones I missed, or relationships that had slipped away, but I knew I needed to move forward on my own, and fix myself before I could do anything else. Prayer was indeed, the driving force in helping me see what I needed to do. I asked, and I was receiving. Now, I had to rise to the occasion. And that occasion was the quality of my life on this Earth! Each day brought a stronger sense of how important it was to think positively and act appropriately. My mind, heart, and soul were benefiting, and so were my relationships and my surroundings. My gratitude was coming back and giving me strength. I began going out more and making myself available to good things happening. The proof was in the reactions of those I loved and I was finally realizing what the answers were to all the questions I had been asking of God and my angels and those who had passed on. The negativity was draining, and the positivity was returning. It became easier to be the real me, and enjoy my real life, and that gave me the power to continue on my way to happiness and peace. There are always going to be disappointments and hurt feelings and frustration and a sense of loss where some things and some people are concerned. Dealing with these problems in a positive and reinforcing way helps keep the covers off and the world on! I don’t believe we walk this Earth if we have no reason. Sharing my experiences may help others, and may keep me here for that purpose alone. However, I believe there are many other reasons I am alive, and therefore, I must strive to do my best and be my best until I am no longer needed here. This type of thinking is what keeps me going towards the light, and further and further away from the darkness I was engulfed within. It was like a bubble only I could burst, and I made the choice to do just that. We can all do it. One step at a time, one person at a time, and one problem at a time. Take the blankets off, and let the sun shine through, even if it’s a rainy day! 
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Okay-I’m Taking Bi Polar Into My Own Hands
Bi polar is a condition that many people are aware of. Those that suffer know exactly what it feels like, and how it can affect one’s life. Those who don’t have it and don’t know of anyone who has it and have tried to explain it, simply think it is a depression that one takes on by their own choice. They couldn’t be more misinformed. I have suffered with depression that I never put together with bi polar, for years. When I was diagnosed several years ago, I simply took the medications I was given, and tried to handle my mood swings and depressive state on my own. Sometimes, the medications would work, most times they did not. I have been on at least 7 or 8, and they either didn’t work, or they were helpful for a time, but my body got used to them and I was back in my depressive state. I have been told by more than one doctor, that the level of serotonin in my brain is responsible for the way I feel and act and respond to life and it’s many ups and downs. The medication I take is supposed to add serotonin to my brain and relax the symptoms it strikes. I went along with this theory for the past several years, but I am done with conventional medicine. The only thing my doctor could tell me was that he didn’t know what caused bi polar, only that it seemed to be passed down from generations, and it was "the worst thing I could have!" I guess he didn’t know that a manic depressant shouldn’t be a candidate with that type of information! Serotonin is widely believed to play a key role in the central nervous system, as well as in the general functioning of the body and in particular the GI tract. Studies have found links between serotonin and bone metabolism, breast milk production, liver regeneration and cell division. As a neurotransmitter, serotonin influences both directly and indirectly the majority of brain cells. The following is a list of things that it is thought that serotonin could affect:? Mood and social behavior, Appetite and digestion, Sleep) I have been an insomniac since birth!), Memory, and Sexual desire and function which I never really had a problem with. It is unknown precisely what causes depression. It is thought to be likely that an imbalance of neurotransmitters or hormones in the body can lead to the disorder. I’m done hearing about neurotransmitters and serotonin, and the inability for doctors to know how to treat this insidious disease that I have absolutely no control over, and for the past 6 years, have suffered greatly. When my kids were little, and their father was gone for 2 weeks out of the month, and they started out all under 5, and I had a 4 bedroom colonial house to manage and clean and decorate, and 2 dogs and a cat, I never had a moment to myself. Busy was a word that I applied to sleep! I didn’t have time to be depressed, or know that I was, and my angry moods were just normal parenting side affects to me at the time. They still may be, but bi polar suggests manic mood swings. Since my kids went out on their own 6 years ago, after I had been with them for over 20 years, I hit bottom. I was and am not the type of mother who couldn’t wait until their kids left home and I could have so much more time to myself. I inadvertently imagined they would be living with me forever! Definitely manic! I have cried every single day for these past 6 years. I miss my kids and I don’t know how to live without them, plain and simple. Not hearing from them or seeing them on a regular basis is truly and sincerely, killing me. My heart is in pieces and my soul is holding on for dear life. The only thing that keeps me going is my Faith, and that is waning. Not in the way that I don’t believe in God anymore, but in the way that I don’t believe my life will ever be the way I envisioned, with my kids coming for dinners and holidays, and me going to visit them, and enjoying the glory of being a grandmother. There is nothing to look forward to, so I don’t. and this upsets me, and starts me on manic periods of crying and depression that I can not stop, and have grown tired of experiencing. Tears fall down my cheeks for no reason at times, and I just can’t stop it from happening. I try. I have bit my tongue, thought of happier times, asked God for help, called on my angels and my parents who have passed away, but nothing stops the barrage of those tears from running down my face. I have no energy, no interest in things I once did without thinking about, like cleaning the house or doing laundry or cooking. My days are routine, and watching tv and being on my computer, with a nap thrown in, just isn’t cutting it for me at almost 59 years of age. I can sleep fine during the day, but nights scare me and I put off sleep as long as I can. When I finally turn off the lights and put my sound machine on, because can’t bear the silence, I go into my nightly prayer session. I beg God and my angels and my parents for guidance and help to get me over this doom I can no longer fight. I tell God I would rather be up in Heaven with Him and my passed family members and the angels, than live this Hell on Earth. I beg Him to take me in my sleep so I don’t have to face another day. Supposedly, THIS is what bi polar is all about! My doctor can only change my medications, and after trying 7 or 8, I am done with that as well. Those who think someone would want to cry everyday and feel hopeless and unloved and uncared for, are out of their own minds! Blame is easy when it isn’t you! So, tonight I decided to take matters into my own hands. I have researched bi polar and depression before, but now I was going to focus harder, and not stop until I got some answers and some suggestions on how to help myself. I found that there are supplements that can help. I ordered them all. I read about a substance called Mucuna which they say "treats depression and insomnia and generally deepens sleep It also looks to be very promising as a treatment for recovering drug addicts and people suffering from depression related illness, since these people have deficiencies of the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine (which the velvet beans contain and help balance in the human body). In addition to levodopa, it contains minor amounts of serotonin." I ordered it! I found an article on GH3, for Anti-Aging,, Depression, Energy, and Memory (which I also have a hard time with) and I ordered it! I had heard about fish oil capsules, and read that " they (whomever they are) conducted a study on prisoners in England where the inmates were fed seafood which contains omega-3 fatty acids. The higher Studies consumption of these fatty acids corresponded with a drop in the assault rates. Reduced levels of aggression have also been found in schoolchildren and young adults when their diets were supplemented with fish oil. A 2009 metastudy found that patients taking omega-3 supplements with a higher EPA:DHA ratio experienced less depressive symptoms. The studies provided evidence that EPA may be more efficacious than DHA in treating depression. However, this metastudy concluded that due to the identified limitations of the included studies, larger, randomized trials are needed to confirm these findings. I ordered them! I am going to try all of these and see if they make a difference. I am hoping that my depression lessens, my energy comes back, my lethargy fades, and my hopelessness goes away. I am anxious that my crying jags will end! I also am waiting to see if the recycling of my thoughts will stop, and I won’t cringe every time I think of my kids being in different places other than the home I raised them in! I hope to feel better about the future, and not so desolate about what I believe my fate to be. And I need to stop begging God to take me in the still of the night! This condition also affects other parts of the body-muscles are tired, the immune system breaks down, leaving one susceptible for other disease, especially in my case cancer, which my mother died of, and I believe for the same reason-stress. I also have Crohn’s, another stress induced chronic disease, thyroid problems that caused my kidneys to fail 3 years ago, and high blood pressure. I am at the point that I have done much research, and am looking forward finally to seeing if these supplements will help. I will keep my readers posted, as I am sure there are many who are going through the same plight. If there is anything that helps me, I will certainly share with all. In the meantime, it is 7:28 a.m. and I have not been to bed yet, and have no desire to go there! Of course, we lost an hour last night, but 6:28 would be just as bad! Hang in there my fellow sufferers, I may just have prayed enough to finally get some relief, and I promise to share that relief with you as well. The winter has been hard since I haven’t been able to get out or get to my therapist, but warmer weather is on the way! And I will continue to pray! Arrogance Can Ruin Any Relationship
When someone speaks with arrogance, they are being egotistical, overbearing, conceited, contemptuous, and over confident. They are also showing that they have little self esteem or confidence in themselves, and so act and talk in these ways. This, of course, makes the people they talk to feel less than, angry, depressed, unwanted, and on edge. There is no "right of arrogance." No one has that right to be arrogant as a prerequisite to their personality. There is meanness and hostility in arrogance. When speaking with someone like this, it’s as if you don’t have the right to say what’s on your mind, it isn’t "good enough" for them to have to listen to. Their incompetence to feel self assured and good about themselves spills over to those they communicate with. They tend to feel "privileged" and expect certain things that only they control. Their ever bearing nature drains those they deal with. Their over confidence in thinking everything they say is right, is just to compensate for their low self esteem, and lack of any feelings of self worth. Everyone they communicate with becomes their whipping post. They may do kind and considerate things, but unfortunately, their mask of arrogance overshadows these considerate acts. They do not possess the art of being humble, everything must be attributed to them, and they want all the glory. They belittle and demean those around them. They usually are unaware of what they are doing or how they are speaking to others. When called on it, they become defensive and cruel. How dare anyone question their motives or personality. They say and do things that become inappropriate to hide their feelings of inadequacy. They tend to become verbally abusive, and sometimes violent. Is it better to stay away from these people? Of course, but sometimes it’s not that easy when it is a spouse or child, parent or sibling. If we must live with those who are afflicted with arrogance, it can be very hard on our self esteem and self confidence. This is where the draining of our own happiness comes in, and leads to depression and melancholy. Talking to these people only tends to ire them more. There doesn’t seem to be much that can be done to alter the situation. Walking away seems to be the best result in these types of situations. Removing ourselves from the wrath of an arrogant, egotistical person is the best thing we can do for our own well-being. This may add to our depression, but it’s better than being the brunt of the situation. Our best solution is to try and not act in the same manner. If we feel good about ourselves, there is no need for arrogant behavior. So, we must learn to feel good about ourselves and what we do for mankind in our own ways, and carry on in our own fashion. Sometimes, others will learn by seeing how someone else talks and acts, and try to assimilate the same behavior. It works both ways. We can be the teachers of good will and a gentleness, if we try. At times, this will work, and at times it won’t, but it’s worth a try. If it is not reciprocated, we must find a way to not let their behavior bring us down to their level. It will only cause us heartache, pain, and stress that will lead to depression. We must learn how to ignore bad behavior, and focus on our own. Thanking those who are arrogant for the good things they do, is a good step in the right direction. It strokes their ego, and makes them feel self assured and not as arrogant. Sometime in their lives, they were not shown the proper love they needed to achieve success in dealing with self esteem, and there may be times we can improve on that for them. We all have our own idiosyncrasies, and helping one another smooth them over is a big help. It may take time, but it is worth it in the end. We May Know Why You Stayed, But We’ll Never Know Why You Left
In this day and age of therapy and good, decent help for those who are troubled with depression and heartache, we actually may come out of our numbness, and learn how to fly again. There are skills we can learn from professionals that are gifted in this field. We can even pin point where and why our troubles started, and work through them and start anew. We can analyze why we decided to stay on this earth and give it another try. We may reach out to professionals for help, along with family and friends. We can talk through our problems and find the means to make things better. Depression can turn around from distance and degradation to elation and excitement. Our pasts can be trampled on, and new roots an be laid for a foundation of freedom and goodness. We do what we know how to do, and when we know better, we do better…"maya angleou." This saying changed my life, and it can change many others. The past is behind us, the experience has been gained, and now it’s time to start over with a clear conscience and a positive focus. Boundaries that were crossed can be stopped dead in their tracks in our new life, and desire to be happy. We can start again at any point. We can do things in a more productive and healthier way. We can regain trust. We can rebuild bridges that have been torn down for too long. We can drop our chains, and feel freedom for the fist time in our lives. All because we decided to stay and work things out. We can see in our own selves the brighter ways we experience people, life, and situations. It is as if we have gasped in air that is taking us to a higher plane. A happier, freer, more stress free and hopeful, uniformed lifestyle. The sun shines again and the rain is welcomed. We find ourselves ignoring what others have to think and say in their desire to make us miserable for whatever reason, and rise above it all. Hiding under the covers is now simply for comfort and coziness, and no longer to keep the world out. We have torn off our shackles, and replaced our armor, and we are free to enjoy our lives and whomever wants to join us. Those who don’t, we can leave behind as if in the sand, and let them bury themselves when their tide comes in. Our tide has crossed over us, and now we can set our sights on the sea and the waves, and the feeling of freedom that gives us. Others don’t make us, we make ourselves. It is a reward we have waited a very long time to get, and we deserve it. The whole world can see why we stayed. The unfortunate ones are those who could never pass the tide, or cross the barriers, or understand that life can be started anew. Their lack of desire never came back. Their choice to fight back never rekindled. Their pain was stronger than their love of life. I know this feeling. I have been there, and recently, but I am not done!! I have more to do, and I am determined to do it. Let the naysayers scoff, it is I who will enjoy my path. My journey is not complete. I only wish I could have helped those who gave up and gave in. I can tell you all the reasons I hung in, but I can’t explain any of the reasons others did not. Those secrets and reasoning's were take to their graves, and their Heavenly Father. We’ll never know why death was better for them than life. There is no worse shame. They could have been helped. But if they kept it all in, and never shared their depressive thoughts, how could anyone know what to do or say to help? We must reach out. To a spouse, a friend, a family member, the clergy, whomever we feel most comfortable with. And yet, some don’t care enough to do so. They are too deep in their sorrow and grief, and that, too, is a shame. To want to leave family and friends and grandchildren, and people who love us, is a sickness of depression that I don’t even think the professionals can understand. How sad to be so sad!! I have been to the bottom of that hole. Whether by my own doing, or others, I have felt no one existed on this earth for me. I would have rather been with God and angels and spirits than in Hell on earth. Those are painful times, confusing and thoughts and feeling pull at you heart, mind, and especially, your soul. I believe the soul is responsible for keeping us here, or allowing us to move on, before our time. It is the only feeling strong enough. And it takes with it all of our reasons for leaving this earth and jumping into the unknown. If no note was left, and no one was confided in, then those thoughts come with us into the black hole we wanted so badly to avoid. Let us pray for all those afflicted with such severe depression that they choose another life not given to them so freely by God. 
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Vindictiveness Can Kill You And Damage Everyone Around You
I believe vindictiveness stems from low self esteem and low self confidence. It is a selfish way to live. It keeps you thinking only about yourself, and not what is best for all involved. If a situation doesn’t fit into your plans, you veto it in the control and power that you have manipulated. You leave others sad and depressed, and you don’t care; if anything, you wanted that conclusion. Why? Because you are afraid things won’t go your way. You will lose your control and power.
Most times, you only hurt yourself as well as those you affect. It’s narcissistic behavior. It certainly isn’t for the good of all involved. It is for your convenience and welfare. No one else is thought about or considered. It is not a loving and graceful way of living, it is also not in God’s plan. Karma will intervene at some point, and you will feel the trouble you have caused others. Revenge is not giving anyone or anything a second chance. It is selfish and unkind. It is cruel and mean. It is a way of life that turns all against you, and because of narcissism, you don’t care.
Narcissism includes the ways of egotism, pride, arrogance, conceit, self adulation, self admiration, self centeredness, self importance, and self regard. The common thread is "self." No one else’s opinions or wants matter. Those who possess these characteristics have little or no self esteem, so must lash out at the rest of the world. They rarely have compassion, and no little about what love is all about. Their self adulation allows them to think only about themselves, and what they can get out of any given situation. If they think they won’t be able to stay in control or bully, they use anger as their tool of choice.
Anger is not a desired way to live this life. Rage, animosity, fury, hostility, vengeance, indignation, and the passion to control do not make for a person of substance and dignity.
It is very hard for those who, for whatever reason, must deal with these people, must be very strong not to have these character traits affect them. Sometimes, it takes years to acclimate oneself to ignore such behavior. It can, however, be done. Ignorance is bliss. Ignoring their tyrants and hostility and vengeance can keep one at peace within their own selves. Understanding where these traits come from doesn’t help, just makes one aware of where they are coming from.
We all can change. Not to do so is cowardly and vindictive. Staying in hostility and rage will only cause harm to those who possess such horrific characteristics. We must not be sucked in by their frailties. Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies, but to be indignant and possess the wrath of the devil, is to be someone no one wants to deal with. If we allow ourselves to be affected by their wrath is to damage ourselves. The best thing to do is to stay away as much as possible, and avoid them altogether. This is sometimes difficult if this person is a family member or a spouse, but it can be done.
It must be done to protect our own soul and emotional well-being. "How important is it?" comes to mind. How important is it to fight in their battle against life and all in it? Is it worth it to end up as a whipping post, or more successful to just leave them alone as much as possible? It is them who will eventually suffer. God is aware of everything we think, do, say, or act like. He will take action when it is time. His time, not ours. But this type of behavior will never be rewarded. It spreads through families and friends like wildfire, and is best left to simmer on it’s own. The reasons for this type of demeanor makes little difference, for we all can learn to act in a better way.
However, we must be aware and willing to change. If not, we will always stand alone. Most of us have gone through trying, dreadful times in our lives. This does not give us free reign to hurt others at every turn or opportunity. Bitterness and anger are turn offs for anyone who knows these ruthless, vindictive, and arrogant individuals. If they have some good characteristics, they will be masked by their revengeful attitudes. They usually have their "good mood" periods when all is well, but they always resort back to their fury and wrath of revenge. Instead, they should be evaluating their own selves, and trying to make changes.
It is cowardly not to do so. It is much harder to work on one’s self and stop all the negative destruction one causes because they have been harmed in the past. It is seldom that others have not gone through heartache and injustice in their lives. However, there are ways of learning how to eradicate the ways of our selfishness and need to control. There are books to read, documentaries to watch, therapists and psychiatrists to help. If someone decides not to use these tools, and wants to stay the same arrogant and vindictive, manipulative way they are, karma will come to them at some point. It is the nature of our world.
I believe vindictiveness stems from low self esteem and low self confidence. It is a selfish way to live. It keeps you thinking only about yourself, and not what is best for all involved. If a situation doesn’t fit into your plans, you veto it in the control and power that you have manipulated. You leave others sad and depressed, and you don’t care; if anything, you wanted that conclusion. Why? Because you are afraid things won’t go your way. You will lose your control and power.
Most times, you only hurt yourself as well as those you affect. It’s narcissistic behavior. It certainly isn’t for the good of all involved. It is for your convenience and welfare. No one else is thought about or considered. It is not a loving and graceful way of living, it is also not in God’s plan. Karma will intervene at some point, and you will feel the trouble you have caused others. Revenge is not giving anyone or anything a second chance. It is selfish and unkind. It is cruel and mean. It is a way of life that turns all against you, and because of narcissism, you don’t care.
Narcissism includes the ways of egotism, pride, arrogance, conceit, self adulation, self admiration, self centeredness, self importance, and self regard. The common thread is "self." No one else’s opinions or wants matter. Those who possess these characteristics have little or no self esteem, so must lash out at the rest of the world. They rarely have compassion, and no little about what love is all about. Their self adulation allows them to think only about themselves, and what they can get out of any given situation. If they think they won’t be able to stay in control or bully, they use anger as their tool of choice.
Anger is not a desired way to live this life. Rage, animosity, fury, hostility, vengeance, indignation, and the passion to control do not make for a person of substance and dignity.
It is very hard for those who, for whatever reason, must deal with these people, must be very strong not to have these character traits affect them. Sometimes, it takes years to acclimate oneself to ignore such behavior. It can, however, be done. Ignorance is bliss. Ignoring their tyrants and hostility and vengeance can keep one at peace within their own selves. Understanding where these traits come from doesn’t help, just makes one aware of where they are coming from.
We all can change. Not to do so is cowardly and vindictive. Staying in hostility and rage will only cause harm to those who possess such horrific characteristics. We must not be sucked in by their frailties. Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies, but to be indignant and possess the wrath of the devil, is to be someone no one wants to deal with. If we allow ourselves to be affected by their wrath is to damage ourselves. The best thing to do is to stay away as much as possible, and avoid them altogether. This is sometimes difficult if this person is a family member or a spouse, but it can be done.
It must be done to protect our own soul and emotional well-being. "How important is it?" comes to mind. How important is it to fight in their battle against life and all in it? Is it worth it to end up as a whipping post, or more successful to just leave them alone as much as possible? It is them who will eventually suffer. God is aware of everything we think, do, say, or act like. He will take action when it is time. His time, not ours. But this type of behavior will never be rewarded. It spreads through families and friends like wildfire, and is best left to simmer on it’s own. The reasons for this type of demeanor makes little difference, for we all can learn to act in a better way.
However, we must be aware and willing to change. If not, we will always stand alone. Most of us have gone through trying, dreadful times in our lives. This does not give us free reign to hurt others at every turn or opportunity. Bitterness and anger are turn offs for anyone who knows these ruthless, vindictive, and arrogant individuals. If they have some good characteristics, they will be masked by their revengeful attitudes. They usually have their "good mood" periods when all is well, but they always resort back to their fury and wrath of revenge. Instead, they should be evaluating their own selves, and trying to make changes.
It is cowardly not to do so. It is much harder to work on one’s self and stop all the negative destruction one causes because they have been harmed in the past. It is seldom that others have not gone through heartache and injustice in their lives. However, there are ways of learning how to eradicate the ways of our selfishness and need to control. There are books to read, documentaries to watch, therapists and psychiatrists to help. If someone decides not to use these tools, and wants to stay the same arrogant and vindictive, manipulative way they are, karma will come to them at some point. It is the nature of our world.
If You Have Symptoms Of Bi Polar, Here Are Some Helpful Hints
Bi Polar is a disease, just like high blood pressure or kidney problems or any other disease out there. Hopefully, there are times of remission, when life can be somewhat normal, and we can say and do the things we are used to doing. When they are not, however, and bi polar is rearing it’s ugly head, I have learned some things to do to help myself that I would like to share. The first thing is always prayer. I pray that God and my angels and spirits will help me cope with what I am undertaking.
Once they are on board, I do things to try and help myself. I try to keep busy, whether it is watching tv, writing an article, playing games on my computer, writing to family and friends, reading, napping, taking nice warm baths, stretching my legs, enjoying my dog, or doing household chores. You don’t feel well when bi polar is rampant in your system, so it’s best to do a little at a time. Just enough to make you feel like you’ve gotten something accomplished. Maybe one load of laundry washed, dryer, folded and put away. Maybe cleaning the bathroom or kitchen.
Vacuuming one room at a time, on different days. Going to the pharmacy, even if it’s the drive through. Going to the grocery store for a few things, nothing too overwhelming. Cooking something light and easy. Baking. Resting, and not feeling guilty about it. There are times you won’t want to lie in bed anymore. These are the times to do something different. Get up and walk around, even if it’s just in your own room. If you can make it to the family room or kitchen, even better.
Sit outside for a short time. Buy some flowers of the season and take care of them. Anything that makes you feel good and that you’ve gotten something done, is an asset. Watering those plants, folding those clothes, gives us a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment. We are not able, for the time we are having a bi polar episode, to do the things we know we can do normally. We must accept this, and do what we can. Sometimes days, nights, and weeks will go by with us lying in bed most of the time but when we are coming out of our episode, we will start to feel antsy, and will need to find something to do.
With out limbs weak, and depression lurking, it’s good to find a hobby to keep us busy. Sleep does not come easily, especially if we sleep during the day, so a hobby is a good thing. It can be sewing, knitting, doing crossword puzzles, reading, or buying crafts to paint and put away for holidays. Building doll houses, bird houses and making dolls are other ideas that keep our minds in the positive, and help us to feel better. If we should start with out panic modes, prayer is the best help. And help it will.
Panic attacks are when one’s mind is thinking faster than it can keep up with, and usually over negative situations. Our hearts begin to race, and our skin feels like there is something wanting to get out from under it. It tingles and itches, and we need to get out of that mode. It becomes hard to breathe and there is usually heavy crying involved. We must talk ourselves down from this elevation of nerves and emotions by calmly talking to ourselves about good and positive things. Again, prayer helps, and never hurts.
We must try to stay in control of our mind and our faculties. We also must stay in close contact with out doctors, and take any medications prescribed. By staying in close touch, our doctor will have a better understanding of how to treat us. Therapy is also an added bonus, if we can get to a therapist, councilor, psychologist or psychiatrist. All of these things together will help us fight this ugly and depressing disease.
And don’t worry if you can’t sleep-do something else-sleep when you can. Simply worrying about it is defeating any help for the bi polar. I used to worry I wasn’t sleeping during the night, but now, I do what I can, when I can, and when I feel like doing it. I’ve been up all night but I will sleep when I am tired. I watched tv, did some messaging on my computer, wrote this article, and enjoyed my quiet time alone, instead of freaking out over it. That I itself, is a big help.
When bi polar wakes up in us, we need to be ready for battle, I hope I’ve given those who need it, some suggestions on how to do just that-battle! Do not be overcome!
Bi Polar is a disease, just like high blood pressure or kidney problems or any other disease out there. Hopefully, there are times of remission, when life can be somewhat normal, and we can say and do the things we are used to doing. When they are not, however, and bi polar is rearing it’s ugly head, I have learned some things to do to help myself that I would like to share. The first thing is always prayer. I pray that God and my angels and spirits will help me cope with what I am undertaking.
Once they are on board, I do things to try and help myself. I try to keep busy, whether it is watching tv, writing an article, playing games on my computer, writing to family and friends, reading, napping, taking nice warm baths, stretching my legs, enjoying my dog, or doing household chores. You don’t feel well when bi polar is rampant in your system, so it’s best to do a little at a time. Just enough to make you feel like you’ve gotten something accomplished. Maybe one load of laundry washed, dryer, folded and put away. Maybe cleaning the bathroom or kitchen.
Vacuuming one room at a time, on different days. Going to the pharmacy, even if it’s the drive through. Going to the grocery store for a few things, nothing too overwhelming. Cooking something light and easy. Baking. Resting, and not feeling guilty about it. There are times you won’t want to lie in bed anymore. These are the times to do something different. Get up and walk around, even if it’s just in your own room. If you can make it to the family room or kitchen, even better.
Sit outside for a short time. Buy some flowers of the season and take care of them. Anything that makes you feel good and that you’ve gotten something done, is an asset. Watering those plants, folding those clothes, gives us a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment. We are not able, for the time we are having a bi polar episode, to do the things we know we can do normally. We must accept this, and do what we can. Sometimes days, nights, and weeks will go by with us lying in bed most of the time but when we are coming out of our episode, we will start to feel antsy, and will need to find something to do.
With out limbs weak, and depression lurking, it’s good to find a hobby to keep us busy. Sleep does not come easily, especially if we sleep during the day, so a hobby is a good thing. It can be sewing, knitting, doing crossword puzzles, reading, or buying crafts to paint and put away for holidays. Building doll houses, bird houses and making dolls are other ideas that keep our minds in the positive, and help us to feel better. If we should start with out panic modes, prayer is the best help. And help it will.
Panic attacks are when one’s mind is thinking faster than it can keep up with, and usually over negative situations. Our hearts begin to race, and our skin feels like there is something wanting to get out from under it. It tingles and itches, and we need to get out of that mode. It becomes hard to breathe and there is usually heavy crying involved. We must talk ourselves down from this elevation of nerves and emotions by calmly talking to ourselves about good and positive things. Again, prayer helps, and never hurts.
We must try to stay in control of our mind and our faculties. We also must stay in close contact with out doctors, and take any medications prescribed. By staying in close touch, our doctor will have a better understanding of how to treat us. Therapy is also an added bonus, if we can get to a therapist, councilor, psychologist or psychiatrist. All of these things together will help us fight this ugly and depressing disease.
And don’t worry if you can’t sleep-do something else-sleep when you can. Simply worrying about it is defeating any help for the bi polar. I used to worry I wasn’t sleeping during the night, but now, I do what I can, when I can, and when I feel like doing it. I’ve been up all night but I will sleep when I am tired. I watched tv, did some messaging on my computer, wrote this article, and enjoyed my quiet time alone, instead of freaking out over it. That I itself, is a big help.
When bi polar wakes up in us, we need to be ready for battle, I hope I’ve given those who need it, some suggestions on how to do just that-battle! Do not be overcome!
Can Depression Control Your Mind
The short answer is yes, the long answer is no, not if you know how to avoid it. Depression can make you fell that anywhere is better than living here on Earth. It can bring you to your knees in prayer for God to please take you in your sleep. It can weaken every muscle, tendon, and ligament in your body. It can make you sleep for hours, wake up, and want to go back to sleep again. At least, these are all things that my depression does to me. It can make me feel that everyone has their own life, and I am not part of anyone’s.
Therefore, why bother living? I am too cowardly to kill myself, so I continue on, trying to fight the symptoms of depression, severe at times, doable most of the time. Doable because I have found ways of fighting it. I try to do little things for myself. I buy a pair of pajamas or a new sweater or sweatshirt, or sheets for my bed. Anything that will make me feel good. I surround my room with all of my favorite things. Everywhere I look, there is something to make me smile. I just bought chimes and hung them on my wall and shed the fan on them and I marvel at their melodic sound.
I have knick knacks and pictures and poems that I enjoy looking at. I have my computer, and my writing. I have my tv and my sleepy time tea, and my bath beads and my nice outfit or 2 or 20! I stay in touch with family and friends on Facebook and the phone and emails. I take naps. I play with my dog. On a good day, I spend time with my partner, and on a bad day, I spend time alone. I think, I pray. I beg for serenity and peace. I appeal for freedom and escape from depression and bad thoughts. I try to think of all the good memories I have, especially those with my children.
I try to control my mind so it can’t control me. I try to help others through talking or writing. I share my pain, and hope that when I also share my suggestions to get out of that pain, someone is reading that needs those suggestions. I didn’t have them at one time, either. I try to think of things I can do tomorrow or the next day, or next week, that will give me pleasure. Planting new flowers for fall, food shopping so I feel cozy and comforted, visiting with friends and family. I watch silly shows like two and a half men or the big bang theory to lighten my mood. I can’t stand some of the actors, but I take it for what it is, and it works.
The mind has got to control the mind. Depression can leash out at you in a second, and if you don’t have a stand by, it can take your breath away. I try to be grateful that I don’t have to go to bed at any time because of my bipolar and crohns, and the fact that they qualify as disabilities and I don’t have to work anymore. I can sleep when I want and wake up when I want, and that is a gift. I would rather not have these diseases, and be able to work, but since I do, I can be grateful for a flexible schedule. I can see my tv from my computer, and multi- task! My chimes are chiming!
My daughter is in the army and because of Facebook, I can keep up with her and what and how she is doing. I can reach my two sons. I can send nice pictures to my family and friends. All in an attempt to keep my mind free from bad thoughts, and depressing feelings. And all without a drink! Or drugs, except prescription ones that help me cope. I stopped drinking for over 20 years because it had become an escape. Now, I have a glass of wine or two, no more than that, once in a while, or a beer, or mike’s lemonade, but not often, and not to drown in it, just to enjoy it.
These are the things I do, and I hope maybe they will help someone who also feels at times like they are losing their minds. Control is the way. Having things to do is the way. Prayer is the way. Being in touch with others is the way. The important part is, there IS a way. Read a good book, read a magazine, get caught up in something other than what is going on in your mind. Take your mind OFF of the bad, and put it on the good. It works, and it is better than letting depression control your mind!
Inner Peace Should Be Shared In Order To Expand Good
There is something to be said for our own inner peace. It keeps us going and moving forward in a positive and spiritual direction. It gives us the peace we need to carry on. It warms the heart and strengthens the soul. It keeps us calm in busy and trying times. It lights our path and carries our step. In order to add light to the world, however, we must share that peace with others around us. All together, the bits and pieces of "peace" can light the world we live in. The world that can become so dark if we let it.
If each of us takes a little bit of our inner peace, and shares it, peace will surely prosper. A smile can do the trick, and it takes nothing, and costs not a cent. Talking to someone while waiting on line, broadens the inner peace and lets it out into the light. Actually, it adds to the light. Different people of different races, colors, and creeds, all joining together to share the peace within our souls. It’s a beautiful sight when witnessed. And I witness it more and more, which is enlightening. I see it wherever I go. In shopping store parking lots, in the stores themselves, in the aisles and check out lines, and it proves we can all come together in a common cry for peace.
It appears we are getting smarter, and know we don’t have to confine our good deeds just to Sunday church. People just seem to be nicer to each other than I remember at one time. This, of course, is a very good thing. Boundaries don’t seem so stiff. Fear doesn’t seem so rampant. Trust is getting stronger. There is so much war and poverty still in our world that one smile or one hello can make a difference in our atmosphere. Holding the door for someone can set a chain reaction. Picking something up for someone who has dropped something can boost our energy to a more positive level. Smiling at a baby in a carriage can draw us closer to our mankind.
Paying the toll for someone can change that person’s whole attitude on life. Letting someone go in front of you that has less packages can turn that person around to a better way. Sharing our inner peace can make our world thrive. Leaving a fair tip can encourage a waiter or waitress to try harder to be friendly for the next person. So many little things can rock our world, if we do them.
The short answer is yes, the long answer is no, not if you know how to avoid it. Depression can make you fell that anywhere is better than living here on Earth. It can bring you to your knees in prayer for God to please take you in your sleep. It can weaken every muscle, tendon, and ligament in your body. It can make you sleep for hours, wake up, and want to go back to sleep again. At least, these are all things that my depression does to me. It can make me feel that everyone has their own life, and I am not part of anyone’s.
Therefore, why bother living? I am too cowardly to kill myself, so I continue on, trying to fight the symptoms of depression, severe at times, doable most of the time. Doable because I have found ways of fighting it. I try to do little things for myself. I buy a pair of pajamas or a new sweater or sweatshirt, or sheets for my bed. Anything that will make me feel good. I surround my room with all of my favorite things. Everywhere I look, there is something to make me smile. I just bought chimes and hung them on my wall and shed the fan on them and I marvel at their melodic sound.
I have knick knacks and pictures and poems that I enjoy looking at. I have my computer, and my writing. I have my tv and my sleepy time tea, and my bath beads and my nice outfit or 2 or 20! I stay in touch with family and friends on Facebook and the phone and emails. I take naps. I play with my dog. On a good day, I spend time with my partner, and on a bad day, I spend time alone. I think, I pray. I beg for serenity and peace. I appeal for freedom and escape from depression and bad thoughts. I try to think of all the good memories I have, especially those with my children.
I try to control my mind so it can’t control me. I try to help others through talking or writing. I share my pain, and hope that when I also share my suggestions to get out of that pain, someone is reading that needs those suggestions. I didn’t have them at one time, either. I try to think of things I can do tomorrow or the next day, or next week, that will give me pleasure. Planting new flowers for fall, food shopping so I feel cozy and comforted, visiting with friends and family. I watch silly shows like two and a half men or the big bang theory to lighten my mood. I can’t stand some of the actors, but I take it for what it is, and it works.
The mind has got to control the mind. Depression can leash out at you in a second, and if you don’t have a stand by, it can take your breath away. I try to be grateful that I don’t have to go to bed at any time because of my bipolar and crohns, and the fact that they qualify as disabilities and I don’t have to work anymore. I can sleep when I want and wake up when I want, and that is a gift. I would rather not have these diseases, and be able to work, but since I do, I can be grateful for a flexible schedule. I can see my tv from my computer, and multi- task! My chimes are chiming!
My daughter is in the army and because of Facebook, I can keep up with her and what and how she is doing. I can reach my two sons. I can send nice pictures to my family and friends. All in an attempt to keep my mind free from bad thoughts, and depressing feelings. And all without a drink! Or drugs, except prescription ones that help me cope. I stopped drinking for over 20 years because it had become an escape. Now, I have a glass of wine or two, no more than that, once in a while, or a beer, or mike’s lemonade, but not often, and not to drown in it, just to enjoy it.
These are the things I do, and I hope maybe they will help someone who also feels at times like they are losing their minds. Control is the way. Having things to do is the way. Prayer is the way. Being in touch with others is the way. The important part is, there IS a way. Read a good book, read a magazine, get caught up in something other than what is going on in your mind. Take your mind OFF of the bad, and put it on the good. It works, and it is better than letting depression control your mind!
Inner Peace Should Be Shared In Order To Expand Good
There is something to be said for our own inner peace. It keeps us going and moving forward in a positive and spiritual direction. It gives us the peace we need to carry on. It warms the heart and strengthens the soul. It keeps us calm in busy and trying times. It lights our path and carries our step. In order to add light to the world, however, we must share that peace with others around us. All together, the bits and pieces of "peace" can light the world we live in. The world that can become so dark if we let it.
If each of us takes a little bit of our inner peace, and shares it, peace will surely prosper. A smile can do the trick, and it takes nothing, and costs not a cent. Talking to someone while waiting on line, broadens the inner peace and lets it out into the light. Actually, it adds to the light. Different people of different races, colors, and creeds, all joining together to share the peace within our souls. It’s a beautiful sight when witnessed. And I witness it more and more, which is enlightening. I see it wherever I go. In shopping store parking lots, in the stores themselves, in the aisles and check out lines, and it proves we can all come together in a common cry for peace.
It appears we are getting smarter, and know we don’t have to confine our good deeds just to Sunday church. People just seem to be nicer to each other than I remember at one time. This, of course, is a very good thing. Boundaries don’t seem so stiff. Fear doesn’t seem so rampant. Trust is getting stronger. There is so much war and poverty still in our world that one smile or one hello can make a difference in our atmosphere. Holding the door for someone can set a chain reaction. Picking something up for someone who has dropped something can boost our energy to a more positive level. Smiling at a baby in a carriage can draw us closer to our mankind.
Paying the toll for someone can change that person’s whole attitude on life. Letting someone go in front of you that has less packages can turn that person around to a better way. Sharing our inner peace can make our world thrive. Leaving a fair tip can encourage a waiter or waitress to try harder to be friendly for the next person. So many little things can rock our world, if we do them.
Staying Away From Drama May Simply Be An Escape From The Truth
The catch phrase for today is, "I don’t want the drama." We all deserve to live in peace, but reality knocks on our door everyday, and with it, often times comes drama. People have been escaping drama for years through alcohol, pills, drugs, and keeping to themselves. They can safely protect their emotions behind a wall of, "I don’t want to deal with the drama." They distance themselves from anyone who may cause them to become upset or threaten their peace of mind. Isn’t that what alcohol, pills, and drugs was always for? The connection is there without the hangovers. Reality is that we have spouses, children, friends, family, and the events of the world around us that are stressful and filled with "drama."
Avoiding such things doesn’t allow us to use skills we have to work situations and feelings out. They become dull and numb as we simply stay away from the truths that plague us. They also prohibit us from helping those we care about in their times of desperate need. If our brother is going through a divorce, and we don’t want to get involved because we don’t need the "drama", we are robbing our sibling of most probably some useful input, and an outlet for their pain and confusion. We sever the tie, escape their truth, and think we keep ourselves calm. In REALITY, we still think about them and what they are going through, so why not help instead of trying to "escape their drama?" There are ways of keeping ourselves at a neutral medium, and if not exercised, how will we deal with our own drama when it comes our way?
Are we not supposed to help our fellow man? If we have a child who is going through difficulty and a rough period of their lives, we worry, whether we think so or not. They may need our guidance and support, but be careful to "stay away from the drama!" When a child becomes eighteen, we are no longer responsible to pay their way. But are we not a light for them to cling to? Could our years of experience help them find their way faster and easier than staying away from their drama? Have we forgotten how to work on ways of avoiding the deep rooted pain that may come from a situation our children may get into, without ignoring them and leaving them to fend for themselves? Have we become that cold and selfish? Drama is a part of life. We all go through it at one time or another.
When we are going through our darkest times, our closest friends and family can be a means of support and guidance. Not so if we are all trying to avoid drama in our own lives. If one of our children tells us they are gay, are we to block them out of our lives like we can on facebook, and pretend not to think about their situation by staying away? It is unrealistic to think we won’t think about how we feel, so why not deal with the truth and move forward in a more positive light? Staying clear of "drama" can very well be why so may of these kids commit suicide. Then how much "drama" do we experience? Especially when we could have gotten involved and made it easier and happier for them to be able to come to us who raised them, and receive our support and love? We don’t have to agree with their decisions, but pushing them out of our lives does nothing to avoid the "drama." It simply makes us wonder more how they are and what they are doing in their lives, and if they are okay.
Facing the circumstances allows us to deal with the truth, and help someone in need. Avoiding the "drama" only supposedly gives us the freedom from pain we desire, but we can’t stop our minds from thinking the thoughts we should be acting upon. There are those who we cannot help, and may tend to stay clear of, and that is understandable, but we must pick and choose those people carefully. It seems that only when we ourselves are going through a rough time that we can feel the raw exposing of our feelings, and wish we had someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t afraid of our "drama." Drama is pain and worry and depression, but it is also someone’s reality. If that person is someone we love, keeping them at arm’s length does not ensure we won’t still be thinking of their plight. We will still feel the pain, the worry, and the depression. However, trying to help them out, releases those unknown factors, and lets us deal with the problem with realistic expectations.
There are all kinds of addictions, and it appears keeping "drama" from our lives has become yet another addiction. We are becoming addicted to keeping our lives in a sheltered bubble, when others need and desperately want our help. It is just as much a cop out as booze or drugs or whatever we turn to in order escape. But in the wee hours of the night, when there is silence throughout the house, are we still not thinking about those who we don’t want to cause us "drama?" Wondering how they are doing is often times more dramatic than being involved and knowing what’s going on, no matter how painful or depressing. It is simply a part of life, and it is the reality we must face. And the good we may be able to do is worth the extra "drama" in our lives. It won’t go away simply by avoidance, so why not deal with it head on and make a difference that counts?
The catch phrase for today is, "I don’t want the drama." We all deserve to live in peace, but reality knocks on our door everyday, and with it, often times comes drama. People have been escaping drama for years through alcohol, pills, drugs, and keeping to themselves. They can safely protect their emotions behind a wall of, "I don’t want to deal with the drama." They distance themselves from anyone who may cause them to become upset or threaten their peace of mind. Isn’t that what alcohol, pills, and drugs was always for? The connection is there without the hangovers. Reality is that we have spouses, children, friends, family, and the events of the world around us that are stressful and filled with "drama."
Avoiding such things doesn’t allow us to use skills we have to work situations and feelings out. They become dull and numb as we simply stay away from the truths that plague us. They also prohibit us from helping those we care about in their times of desperate need. If our brother is going through a divorce, and we don’t want to get involved because we don’t need the "drama", we are robbing our sibling of most probably some useful input, and an outlet for their pain and confusion. We sever the tie, escape their truth, and think we keep ourselves calm. In REALITY, we still think about them and what they are going through, so why not help instead of trying to "escape their drama?" There are ways of keeping ourselves at a neutral medium, and if not exercised, how will we deal with our own drama when it comes our way?
Are we not supposed to help our fellow man? If we have a child who is going through difficulty and a rough period of their lives, we worry, whether we think so or not. They may need our guidance and support, but be careful to "stay away from the drama!" When a child becomes eighteen, we are no longer responsible to pay their way. But are we not a light for them to cling to? Could our years of experience help them find their way faster and easier than staying away from their drama? Have we forgotten how to work on ways of avoiding the deep rooted pain that may come from a situation our children may get into, without ignoring them and leaving them to fend for themselves? Have we become that cold and selfish? Drama is a part of life. We all go through it at one time or another.
When we are going through our darkest times, our closest friends and family can be a means of support and guidance. Not so if we are all trying to avoid drama in our own lives. If one of our children tells us they are gay, are we to block them out of our lives like we can on facebook, and pretend not to think about their situation by staying away? It is unrealistic to think we won’t think about how we feel, so why not deal with the truth and move forward in a more positive light? Staying clear of "drama" can very well be why so may of these kids commit suicide. Then how much "drama" do we experience? Especially when we could have gotten involved and made it easier and happier for them to be able to come to us who raised them, and receive our support and love? We don’t have to agree with their decisions, but pushing them out of our lives does nothing to avoid the "drama." It simply makes us wonder more how they are and what they are doing in their lives, and if they are okay.
Facing the circumstances allows us to deal with the truth, and help someone in need. Avoiding the "drama" only supposedly gives us the freedom from pain we desire, but we can’t stop our minds from thinking the thoughts we should be acting upon. There are those who we cannot help, and may tend to stay clear of, and that is understandable, but we must pick and choose those people carefully. It seems that only when we ourselves are going through a rough time that we can feel the raw exposing of our feelings, and wish we had someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t afraid of our "drama." Drama is pain and worry and depression, but it is also someone’s reality. If that person is someone we love, keeping them at arm’s length does not ensure we won’t still be thinking of their plight. We will still feel the pain, the worry, and the depression. However, trying to help them out, releases those unknown factors, and lets us deal with the problem with realistic expectations.
There are all kinds of addictions, and it appears keeping "drama" from our lives has become yet another addiction. We are becoming addicted to keeping our lives in a sheltered bubble, when others need and desperately want our help. It is just as much a cop out as booze or drugs or whatever we turn to in order escape. But in the wee hours of the night, when there is silence throughout the house, are we still not thinking about those who we don’t want to cause us "drama?" Wondering how they are doing is often times more dramatic than being involved and knowing what’s going on, no matter how painful or depressing. It is simply a part of life, and it is the reality we must face. And the good we may be able to do is worth the extra "drama" in our lives. It won’t go away simply by avoidance, so why not deal with it head on and make a difference that counts?
Hold That Thought
So many times throughout our lives, we tend to make quick decisions based on the way we feel at that moment. If something feels good at the time, we tend to rush into what our feelings and emotions want. More often than not, these hasty decisions affect our lives and cause us harm. We haven’t thought things through enough, from every angle, and the results are regrets and shame that take forever to go away, if they ever go away at all. One of the questions we must ask ourselves comes in the form of, "is this for the good of all involved?"
Our choices may be obvious to others that they will bring heartache, pain, and possibly anger in the long run, but our instincts at the time influence how we make our decisions. This is why it is best to give our minds, hearts, and spirits the time to really think about a situation until we are sure it is a sound and profitable step in the right path of our lives. Sometimes, we can not see the forest for the trees, or the downfalls we will someday encounter because of our choices. Holding back for the time to contemplate what we are planning on doing or saying can prevent us from remorse and regret.
"Hold that thought’ should be uppermost in our minds before we do something that is irreversible, and that we wish we had never done. Our minds have the capability of sorting things out and making a decision based on facts and clarity. If we see a car we really want, but it costs more than we can afford, thinking it through can prevent us from having to be stressed every month on how we are going to make the payments. If we like a house, and simply feel we have to have it, we must think about how we are going to afford the mortgage and the taxes along with utilities, food, clothing, and other bills we may have.
Contemplating a relationship is perhaps the most important decision we will ever make. Our hearts may be attracted to someone who may not be who they first appear to be. Time and thinking are of the essence. Will this person make you happy for the rest of your life? Do you get along? Are they calm and compassionate; loving and caring, or do they carry anger and unleash it often? Will this individual enhance our lives or burden it with character traits that we may overlook if we don’t "think." If we ignore the warning signs, our lives can be comparative to Hell on Earth. If we have children, their lives may be negatively affected for the rest of their lives.
At times, love can be blinding, and some have the capability of acting in a manner that captures our minds, hearts, and souls. However, once we are aware that one has a dark side, we must think carefully whether or not we want to get involved before we become co dependent, infatuated, or addicted. We may hold the good times of compassion and love and care in our hearts and live through hellacious situations waiting for their good side to reappear. If we had "held that thought" and weighed the good with the bad, we may have made a better decision not to get involved and drawn in to anger and control. Lives can be crushed by the mere fact of not weighing the good against the bad.
We may realize one day that our choice not only affected our health and sanity, but that of our kids. What our children hear and witness will follow them all the days of their lives. Some have the capacity to block situations from their memory, but they will display the same anger and control they witnessed as a child. This will not only affect them, but their spouses, friends, co workers, and of course, their children. It is a vicious cycle, and all could have been avoided if we had just thought things through. Their hurt, pain, and anger may even lead them to blame us for our decisions, and cause them to block us out of their lives.
Fear, depression, panic, loneliness, anger and shame can follow us for years for the mere fact that we let our other senses choose our choice for us, and not the intelligence of our minds. We tend not to look to the future, but instead, live in the moment that may be good at the time. Many years of our lives as well as our children’s may be spent in anger and wasted as a result of our not "thinking things through." This lesson may come too late, after so much damage has been done. Nothing can undo this damage, and heartache may become a way of life. To prevent all this from occurring, we can do one thing for ourselves, and just "hold that thought" until we have thoroughly thought things through!
So many times throughout our lives, we tend to make quick decisions based on the way we feel at that moment. If something feels good at the time, we tend to rush into what our feelings and emotions want. More often than not, these hasty decisions affect our lives and cause us harm. We haven’t thought things through enough, from every angle, and the results are regrets and shame that take forever to go away, if they ever go away at all. One of the questions we must ask ourselves comes in the form of, "is this for the good of all involved?"
Our choices may be obvious to others that they will bring heartache, pain, and possibly anger in the long run, but our instincts at the time influence how we make our decisions. This is why it is best to give our minds, hearts, and spirits the time to really think about a situation until we are sure it is a sound and profitable step in the right path of our lives. Sometimes, we can not see the forest for the trees, or the downfalls we will someday encounter because of our choices. Holding back for the time to contemplate what we are planning on doing or saying can prevent us from remorse and regret.
"Hold that thought’ should be uppermost in our minds before we do something that is irreversible, and that we wish we had never done. Our minds have the capability of sorting things out and making a decision based on facts and clarity. If we see a car we really want, but it costs more than we can afford, thinking it through can prevent us from having to be stressed every month on how we are going to make the payments. If we like a house, and simply feel we have to have it, we must think about how we are going to afford the mortgage and the taxes along with utilities, food, clothing, and other bills we may have.
Contemplating a relationship is perhaps the most important decision we will ever make. Our hearts may be attracted to someone who may not be who they first appear to be. Time and thinking are of the essence. Will this person make you happy for the rest of your life? Do you get along? Are they calm and compassionate; loving and caring, or do they carry anger and unleash it often? Will this individual enhance our lives or burden it with character traits that we may overlook if we don’t "think." If we ignore the warning signs, our lives can be comparative to Hell on Earth. If we have children, their lives may be negatively affected for the rest of their lives.
At times, love can be blinding, and some have the capability of acting in a manner that captures our minds, hearts, and souls. However, once we are aware that one has a dark side, we must think carefully whether or not we want to get involved before we become co dependent, infatuated, or addicted. We may hold the good times of compassion and love and care in our hearts and live through hellacious situations waiting for their good side to reappear. If we had "held that thought" and weighed the good with the bad, we may have made a better decision not to get involved and drawn in to anger and control. Lives can be crushed by the mere fact of not weighing the good against the bad.
We may realize one day that our choice not only affected our health and sanity, but that of our kids. What our children hear and witness will follow them all the days of their lives. Some have the capacity to block situations from their memory, but they will display the same anger and control they witnessed as a child. This will not only affect them, but their spouses, friends, co workers, and of course, their children. It is a vicious cycle, and all could have been avoided if we had just thought things through. Their hurt, pain, and anger may even lead them to blame us for our decisions, and cause them to block us out of their lives.
Fear, depression, panic, loneliness, anger and shame can follow us for years for the mere fact that we let our other senses choose our choice for us, and not the intelligence of our minds. We tend not to look to the future, but instead, live in the moment that may be good at the time. Many years of our lives as well as our children’s may be spent in anger and wasted as a result of our not "thinking things through." This lesson may come too late, after so much damage has been done. Nothing can undo this damage, and heartache may become a way of life. To prevent all this from occurring, we can do one thing for ourselves, and just "hold that thought" until we have thoroughly thought things through!
Prayer Can Be Like A Touch From The Divine, Or for Some, Words Spoken In Vain
I think maybe those who don’t believe in prayer are more mathematical and take everything as a planned coincidence. I, on the opposite spectrum, take everything to be on the precipice that there IS a God, so everything happens according to His choosing, even if it was that I was created with free choice. His choice, but there has to be some being or entity that is "He." We who believe, trust that our intuition is right and that there is a God and A Heaven and Angels, and passed loved ones being seen again. I don’t know what those who don’t believe think. Molecules just formed together and humans were created? There is a destiny? Where did we come from? If it was a Higher Spirit, it doesn’t matter if He was white or black or Asian or Caucasian, He created us! He also created every speck of sand, drop of water, and animal living. Every mountain and gulley. This spirit who we never see (some have claimed to have seen and might the chosen ones or imbalanced) created all. So hard to imagine..that’s why there are atheists.
However, when I type and my fingers move, and my eyes blink and my heart breathes, I wonder, Who could have done this? How could I be here doing this if there wasn’t a reason? Why would I be writing an article that may help someone going through a test in Faith right now. I don’t know, for sure. But I know what I believe. I have been to the depths of any Hell I can think of, although I know there are much worse, but I believe prayer got me out. Friends prayed, family prayed, I prayed, and thoughts started coming into my mind that hadn’t before. Communication skills improved. I decided to make a change and started being more physical. All the beautiful knick knacks that were filled with dust, I cleaned until they shone. That was the first step in making me feel better. I had been in a depression that took over me like ivy to a wooden pole. I organized and cleaned my sanctuary, and immediately felt calmer and more at home, which is a warm and loving and cleansing feeling.
I am bi polar, an a depressant anyway, so this gave me strength to deal with other situations I was having problems with. I became stronger, and yet talked calmer and got more to the point. I also have not again allow anyone to put me down-I may not be able to get physical-but I can turn and walk away. I am cleaning light fixtures and inside the dining room hutch, and curtains, and windows, and sills, things I always did, and that is a good thing. A month or 2 away, I was begging God to take me in my sleep, every night. The only thing that changed was everyone’s prayers, I believe. Awfully coincidental if not. Thinking before I spoke started happening, and giving me good feedback, and I believe praying for that to happen helped. Maybe it would have kept escalating in a negative way had there not been positive prayer. And is that what the reason is-to learn how to get along with the others God created? The reason to life-to do our best to be the most honest, humble, non judgmental, loving, caring, reliable, responsible people we can be so we can be a model for others who change because of us?
I could buy that. I don’t know why else we would be living a life. It’s like Santa Claus- who will be good and who will be bad? Prayer for me, is just talking either through my mind, or out loud, to God. Having a conversation, but only anticipating His answers. It just seems that He has been listening, and creating the skills I need and didn’t have in my anger and baggage from the past. Always defending, therefore, fighting a lot. Once I prayed for guidance, I realized I didn’t have to care what anybody else thought. I could just be a nice person because I wanted to be. And I have wanted to be. Therefore, I have been working hard with a personality that was warm and loving, but also could be cold as ice and as menacing as the devil. That’s the part I wanted to get rid of. The part that wants you to be angry and vindictive and frustrated, and gives you a headache! It was harder at first to let things go, and to keep quiet in times I would have been loud. It no longer matters who is right. Peace is the outcome I want to strive for.
This allows us to focus on the positive, and a better way of saying something, or not saying anything at all. We’re not giving anything up of our original self-we are only enhancing our best qualities. There doesn’t have to be a Tarzan and Jane. Our conscience will let us know if any lines are crossed, and then, once again, turning and walking away is the best revenge, if you want to be vindictive, and you probably do! Or if you just want to be self taught and serious in your quest for peace and a calmer life. Prayer, in my case, promoted many good things to happen that made me change my bedtime mantra! No more, Lord, please take me in my sleep, this is Hell on Earth and I’d rather live in peace" Now, it is, "thank you for today’s lesson, and answers, and hopefully I’ll, feel you tomorrow!" Yes, I believe in prayer.
I think maybe those who don’t believe in prayer are more mathematical and take everything as a planned coincidence. I, on the opposite spectrum, take everything to be on the precipice that there IS a God, so everything happens according to His choosing, even if it was that I was created with free choice. His choice, but there has to be some being or entity that is "He." We who believe, trust that our intuition is right and that there is a God and A Heaven and Angels, and passed loved ones being seen again. I don’t know what those who don’t believe think. Molecules just formed together and humans were created? There is a destiny? Where did we come from? If it was a Higher Spirit, it doesn’t matter if He was white or black or Asian or Caucasian, He created us! He also created every speck of sand, drop of water, and animal living. Every mountain and gulley. This spirit who we never see (some have claimed to have seen and might the chosen ones or imbalanced) created all. So hard to imagine..that’s why there are atheists.
However, when I type and my fingers move, and my eyes blink and my heart breathes, I wonder, Who could have done this? How could I be here doing this if there wasn’t a reason? Why would I be writing an article that may help someone going through a test in Faith right now. I don’t know, for sure. But I know what I believe. I have been to the depths of any Hell I can think of, although I know there are much worse, but I believe prayer got me out. Friends prayed, family prayed, I prayed, and thoughts started coming into my mind that hadn’t before. Communication skills improved. I decided to make a change and started being more physical. All the beautiful knick knacks that were filled with dust, I cleaned until they shone. That was the first step in making me feel better. I had been in a depression that took over me like ivy to a wooden pole. I organized and cleaned my sanctuary, and immediately felt calmer and more at home, which is a warm and loving and cleansing feeling.
I am bi polar, an a depressant anyway, so this gave me strength to deal with other situations I was having problems with. I became stronger, and yet talked calmer and got more to the point. I also have not again allow anyone to put me down-I may not be able to get physical-but I can turn and walk away. I am cleaning light fixtures and inside the dining room hutch, and curtains, and windows, and sills, things I always did, and that is a good thing. A month or 2 away, I was begging God to take me in my sleep, every night. The only thing that changed was everyone’s prayers, I believe. Awfully coincidental if not. Thinking before I spoke started happening, and giving me good feedback, and I believe praying for that to happen helped. Maybe it would have kept escalating in a negative way had there not been positive prayer. And is that what the reason is-to learn how to get along with the others God created? The reason to life-to do our best to be the most honest, humble, non judgmental, loving, caring, reliable, responsible people we can be so we can be a model for others who change because of us?
I could buy that. I don’t know why else we would be living a life. It’s like Santa Claus- who will be good and who will be bad? Prayer for me, is just talking either through my mind, or out loud, to God. Having a conversation, but only anticipating His answers. It just seems that He has been listening, and creating the skills I need and didn’t have in my anger and baggage from the past. Always defending, therefore, fighting a lot. Once I prayed for guidance, I realized I didn’t have to care what anybody else thought. I could just be a nice person because I wanted to be. And I have wanted to be. Therefore, I have been working hard with a personality that was warm and loving, but also could be cold as ice and as menacing as the devil. That’s the part I wanted to get rid of. The part that wants you to be angry and vindictive and frustrated, and gives you a headache! It was harder at first to let things go, and to keep quiet in times I would have been loud. It no longer matters who is right. Peace is the outcome I want to strive for.
This allows us to focus on the positive, and a better way of saying something, or not saying anything at all. We’re not giving anything up of our original self-we are only enhancing our best qualities. There doesn’t have to be a Tarzan and Jane. Our conscience will let us know if any lines are crossed, and then, once again, turning and walking away is the best revenge, if you want to be vindictive, and you probably do! Or if you just want to be self taught and serious in your quest for peace and a calmer life. Prayer, in my case, promoted many good things to happen that made me change my bedtime mantra! No more, Lord, please take me in my sleep, this is Hell on Earth and I’d rather live in peace" Now, it is, "thank you for today’s lesson, and answers, and hopefully I’ll, feel you tomorrow!" Yes, I believe in prayer.
Each Ending Starts A New Beginning
Change is very difficult for many of us to deal with and accept. Our thinking process changes, our routines change, and our relationships are in constant motion. Change is inevitable every second of the day. People change, weather changes, thoughts change, and actions change. Hopefully, thoughts and actions change for the better, and are positive and powerful for our future. So many of us are filled with disappointment, fear, guilt, and hurt. It’s easy to stay in the depressive mood that matches what we are going through or have gone through in the past.
The hard part is to take a personal inventory, and decide to change those parts of ourselves that are not useful to us or others. Yes, others are affected by the way we think and act, and although difficult to realize, we are affected as well. Our patience, or lack of peace and calm in our souls, hearts and minds must be analyzed and truly changed in order to live happier lives. That happiness will gravitate to those around us. In a similar way, depression and disillusionment can affect those we deal with in a profound way. Positive and negative energy are what make our worlds go around.
We can add to our daily lives, or subtract from the essence of our being, and how that dominates our personality. Biology, child rearing, our environment, and our purpose on this Earth all add to who we are and how we think, act, and react. Focusing on being a better person in every way should be part of our purpose in life. If we need to work on our thought process, or our demeanor in times of conflict and hurt, doing so will help change our negative energy to the positive energy we need to exist in a happier, calmer and less stressful way.
The first step is acknowledging that we have defects of character that need to be explored, understood, and fixed. Sometimes, this includes the help of professionals or friends and family, but turning from what ails us is never going to do us any good. Ignorance of these defects will only prolong our negativity and depression. At times, we need to go through the steps of anger and disappointment and lack of patience. However, the faster we can catch ourselves thinking and acting in a negative way, and change those ways, the better off everyone will be.
I know change can occur because I have managed to do so in many areas. Of course, there are always more things we can do to improve our lifestyles, but when we are aware, we can get rid of the less attractive parts of our persona in a faster and easier way. One example is patience. It is so important to realize what is worthy of our anger and manic outbursts and what is not. I have walked out of my home to 7 bags of garbage strewn all over my lawn. The bear had a feast that night before. At one time, swearing and complaining and yelling about having to clean it up would have been my norm. Along the way, I have learned to simply accept the overwhelming things in life, and just do what needs to be done, one step at a time.
Now, I simply started cleaning up one piece of garbage at a time until it was all done, and I could move on with my day. This is change! I wasn’t happy and whistling, but I wasn’t screaming and yelling either. I was just simply doing what I needed to do. Making use of our potential brings a calm to our thinking, and therefore, our actions. If we are driving down the road and hear that dreaded sound of a flat tire, we can either go into a frenzy of anger, or simply change the tire or call for roadside assistance. Patience is so much easier now with cell phones and ipods and other ways of communicating or reading while waiting for the nurse to finally call our name, or waiting for a lane to open after an accident.
If our eyes meet someone else’s, there should be a smile coming to our faces as we pass them in the parking lot or in a store, etc. Positivity is contagious. Being polite and accommodating can mean so much to someone, and costs us nothing. We might help an elderly person cross the street or grab a can of soup they can’t reach. We do so easily, and move on with our day, but the person we helped may be influenced in a positive way and have a good day themselves after being shown respect and altruism. Sending someone a card or a message may make their day and take very little of our time.
Of course there are going to be duration’s of time when we just can’t figure things out, and stay in bed with the covers over our head, but if we keep the mindset to be more positive, and deal with our problems head on, life will be more pleasant and peaceful.
There will be less time staying in bed, and more time helping ourselves and others, if we just keep trying, and don’t give up hope. Hope is a fragile feeling-it comes and goes as situations and people cross our path. This is normal, but closing ourselves off from the world is not. If we find we can’t handle change on our own, I have already said, there are family, friends, and professionals ready to help. We’re in the driver seat, and our destiny depends on how we can learn and change and become happier and more hopeful individuals. Try it for yourself, and see if you can’t get out of your own way and affect someone else in a positive way, hence elevating your state of mind as well.
Change is very difficult for many of us to deal with and accept. Our thinking process changes, our routines change, and our relationships are in constant motion. Change is inevitable every second of the day. People change, weather changes, thoughts change, and actions change. Hopefully, thoughts and actions change for the better, and are positive and powerful for our future. So many of us are filled with disappointment, fear, guilt, and hurt. It’s easy to stay in the depressive mood that matches what we are going through or have gone through in the past.
The hard part is to take a personal inventory, and decide to change those parts of ourselves that are not useful to us or others. Yes, others are affected by the way we think and act, and although difficult to realize, we are affected as well. Our patience, or lack of peace and calm in our souls, hearts and minds must be analyzed and truly changed in order to live happier lives. That happiness will gravitate to those around us. In a similar way, depression and disillusionment can affect those we deal with in a profound way. Positive and negative energy are what make our worlds go around.
We can add to our daily lives, or subtract from the essence of our being, and how that dominates our personality. Biology, child rearing, our environment, and our purpose on this Earth all add to who we are and how we think, act, and react. Focusing on being a better person in every way should be part of our purpose in life. If we need to work on our thought process, or our demeanor in times of conflict and hurt, doing so will help change our negative energy to the positive energy we need to exist in a happier, calmer and less stressful way.
The first step is acknowledging that we have defects of character that need to be explored, understood, and fixed. Sometimes, this includes the help of professionals or friends and family, but turning from what ails us is never going to do us any good. Ignorance of these defects will only prolong our negativity and depression. At times, we need to go through the steps of anger and disappointment and lack of patience. However, the faster we can catch ourselves thinking and acting in a negative way, and change those ways, the better off everyone will be.
I know change can occur because I have managed to do so in many areas. Of course, there are always more things we can do to improve our lifestyles, but when we are aware, we can get rid of the less attractive parts of our persona in a faster and easier way. One example is patience. It is so important to realize what is worthy of our anger and manic outbursts and what is not. I have walked out of my home to 7 bags of garbage strewn all over my lawn. The bear had a feast that night before. At one time, swearing and complaining and yelling about having to clean it up would have been my norm. Along the way, I have learned to simply accept the overwhelming things in life, and just do what needs to be done, one step at a time.
Now, I simply started cleaning up one piece of garbage at a time until it was all done, and I could move on with my day. This is change! I wasn’t happy and whistling, but I wasn’t screaming and yelling either. I was just simply doing what I needed to do. Making use of our potential brings a calm to our thinking, and therefore, our actions. If we are driving down the road and hear that dreaded sound of a flat tire, we can either go into a frenzy of anger, or simply change the tire or call for roadside assistance. Patience is so much easier now with cell phones and ipods and other ways of communicating or reading while waiting for the nurse to finally call our name, or waiting for a lane to open after an accident.
If our eyes meet someone else’s, there should be a smile coming to our faces as we pass them in the parking lot or in a store, etc. Positivity is contagious. Being polite and accommodating can mean so much to someone, and costs us nothing. We might help an elderly person cross the street or grab a can of soup they can’t reach. We do so easily, and move on with our day, but the person we helped may be influenced in a positive way and have a good day themselves after being shown respect and altruism. Sending someone a card or a message may make their day and take very little of our time.
Of course there are going to be duration’s of time when we just can’t figure things out, and stay in bed with the covers over our head, but if we keep the mindset to be more positive, and deal with our problems head on, life will be more pleasant and peaceful.
There will be less time staying in bed, and more time helping ourselves and others, if we just keep trying, and don’t give up hope. Hope is a fragile feeling-it comes and goes as situations and people cross our path. This is normal, but closing ourselves off from the world is not. If we find we can’t handle change on our own, I have already said, there are family, friends, and professionals ready to help. We’re in the driver seat, and our destiny depends on how we can learn and change and become happier and more hopeful individuals. Try it for yourself, and see if you can’t get out of your own way and affect someone else in a positive way, hence elevating your state of mind as well.
You Must Have Respect For Yourself Before You Can Give It To Someone Else
Everyone grows up in a different household where respect is either given, taught, or neglected. Respect must be felt before it can be given. If we don’t respect ourselves, we don’t understand what true respect really is. Chances are, if we have been void of respect in our homes, we will be stripped of it in our adulthood. How can we give out respect if we don’t know what it means? Being friendly to others and helping an older person put their groceries in their car is not respect. Respect needs to come from our own conscience. We can be civil to others and do kind deeds, but in order to know true respect, we have to feel respected.
We may not have felt acknowledged by parents, siblings, friends, family, or teachers. This lack of respect can condition us to be disrespectful to others without knowing why. When respect is withheld, some type of therapy or self improvement must become a goal so we can then know what it feels like to be respected. Once we feel good about ourselves, and what we represent, respect can be shared with ease. If we know what it feels like to be ignored or put down with demeaning words and our character has constantly been attacked, we need to change that. What does respect for one’s self mean? It is sharing with our conscience what character traits and thoughts we have throughout our lives.
If those thoughts are detrimental to our respecting ourselves, it will be difficult to respect others, if not impossible. However, it can be achieved by knowing we have some soul searching to do, and forming some knowledge of respect. It is always possible to improve our character and our personality. Respect is feeling satisfied that we are honest, responsible, civil, caring, and kind individuals. We need to be true to ourselves first, and respect for others will follow. It isn’t necessary to have grown up with this character trait, it can always be improved upon. Our conscience is where it all starts. Are we selfish and think of ourselves first in any given situation?
Can we modify that by training ourselves to think of the consequences to all involved? Do we do the right thing, or what we feel like doing without thought to ourselves or others? Are we proud of our actions and reactions? Or do we even care? Without self respect, we are usually cruel to our own selves, and then on to others. We can change our ways to accept that we need to care about ourselves, love ourselves, and be true to ourselves first. Chances are, if we are diligent in our relationships, we have some amount of self respect. If we wouldn’t like to be treated a certain way, then it is up to us not to treat others as such. So many expect respect from others and yet show no signs of it themselves.
It may take extra effort on our part, but it is well worth it. if we know we do the best we know how in everything we do and in every relationship we have, then we have self respect. we then can share it with others. A good employee comes to work on time with a smile and a happy persona and is helpful, reliable and does a good job at whatever job they do. We have good hygiene and wear suitable clothing. We are complimentary to others, not selfish and jealous. Our sense of right and wrong is beneficial to all. If we are happy with our own identities, we will be courteous and respectful of others. We will carry ourselves with determination and the goal to be a good person.
We must have morals to gain self respect. These can be inherited or self realized. It is never too late to learn and change. Our inner voice needs to be honest and fair to ourselves as well as others. It is much easier to be kind to others once we learn to be kind to ourselves. To thine own self be true. Chaos may surround us, but self respect lingers and affords us a table of contents on what we will accept from others. Lack of respect will no longer be tolerated. Those who refuse to treat us in a respectful way can be eliminated from our life and our welfare. The stress of not being respected by others can be decreased if we are sure about our own behavior.
We are not responsible for others, unless we are a parent trying to raise our children with honor and love of themselves. Without this, we go out into the world with no guidelines on being a decent human being. We also blame others for their lack of consideration towards us. We forget that we haven’t learned how to reach into our conscience and our inner voice is damaging to us as well as all we deal with throughout our lives. Lying, cheating, and stealing are of no consequence for those of us who don’t strive for improvement if we are lacking the skills we need to be respectful. We need to know that we should treat others the way we would want to be treated. If we haven’t learned this lesson, we can teach ourselves. Respect is contagious and is a quality we can all work on.
Everyone grows up in a different household where respect is either given, taught, or neglected. Respect must be felt before it can be given. If we don’t respect ourselves, we don’t understand what true respect really is. Chances are, if we have been void of respect in our homes, we will be stripped of it in our adulthood. How can we give out respect if we don’t know what it means? Being friendly to others and helping an older person put their groceries in their car is not respect. Respect needs to come from our own conscience. We can be civil to others and do kind deeds, but in order to know true respect, we have to feel respected.
We may not have felt acknowledged by parents, siblings, friends, family, or teachers. This lack of respect can condition us to be disrespectful to others without knowing why. When respect is withheld, some type of therapy or self improvement must become a goal so we can then know what it feels like to be respected. Once we feel good about ourselves, and what we represent, respect can be shared with ease. If we know what it feels like to be ignored or put down with demeaning words and our character has constantly been attacked, we need to change that. What does respect for one’s self mean? It is sharing with our conscience what character traits and thoughts we have throughout our lives.
If those thoughts are detrimental to our respecting ourselves, it will be difficult to respect others, if not impossible. However, it can be achieved by knowing we have some soul searching to do, and forming some knowledge of respect. It is always possible to improve our character and our personality. Respect is feeling satisfied that we are honest, responsible, civil, caring, and kind individuals. We need to be true to ourselves first, and respect for others will follow. It isn’t necessary to have grown up with this character trait, it can always be improved upon. Our conscience is where it all starts. Are we selfish and think of ourselves first in any given situation?
Can we modify that by training ourselves to think of the consequences to all involved? Do we do the right thing, or what we feel like doing without thought to ourselves or others? Are we proud of our actions and reactions? Or do we even care? Without self respect, we are usually cruel to our own selves, and then on to others. We can change our ways to accept that we need to care about ourselves, love ourselves, and be true to ourselves first. Chances are, if we are diligent in our relationships, we have some amount of self respect. If we wouldn’t like to be treated a certain way, then it is up to us not to treat others as such. So many expect respect from others and yet show no signs of it themselves.
It may take extra effort on our part, but it is well worth it. if we know we do the best we know how in everything we do and in every relationship we have, then we have self respect. we then can share it with others. A good employee comes to work on time with a smile and a happy persona and is helpful, reliable and does a good job at whatever job they do. We have good hygiene and wear suitable clothing. We are complimentary to others, not selfish and jealous. Our sense of right and wrong is beneficial to all. If we are happy with our own identities, we will be courteous and respectful of others. We will carry ourselves with determination and the goal to be a good person.
We must have morals to gain self respect. These can be inherited or self realized. It is never too late to learn and change. Our inner voice needs to be honest and fair to ourselves as well as others. It is much easier to be kind to others once we learn to be kind to ourselves. To thine own self be true. Chaos may surround us, but self respect lingers and affords us a table of contents on what we will accept from others. Lack of respect will no longer be tolerated. Those who refuse to treat us in a respectful way can be eliminated from our life and our welfare. The stress of not being respected by others can be decreased if we are sure about our own behavior.
We are not responsible for others, unless we are a parent trying to raise our children with honor and love of themselves. Without this, we go out into the world with no guidelines on being a decent human being. We also blame others for their lack of consideration towards us. We forget that we haven’t learned how to reach into our conscience and our inner voice is damaging to us as well as all we deal with throughout our lives. Lying, cheating, and stealing are of no consequence for those of us who don’t strive for improvement if we are lacking the skills we need to be respectful. We need to know that we should treat others the way we would want to be treated. If we haven’t learned this lesson, we can teach ourselves. Respect is contagious and is a quality we can all work on.
This is a collection of about 30 of my first articles. I've come a long way. I used to have 3 and 400 readers, which i thought then, and I think now, is wonderful, although i have over 880,00 page views now after 7 1/2 years, and i should hit a million at some point for which I am grateful and thank God. This, of course, makes me very proud, and hopeful that some of the lessons i was taught or learned on my own that helped my life, can help someone else as well. There are relationship issues, drug addictions or just "normal" use, alcoholism, depression, strength, etc. It is available on Amazon. It only sold a few, but it was a big accomplishment for me.
www.deluxewritingservices.com
DeLuxe Writing Experts A B2B company dedicated to improving the success rate of businesses worldwide Very professional and dependable Check out the site and I'm sure you will find what you need
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 my adopted daughter-i love her with all my heart and soul
People I respect and want to advertise their services in their own ways
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www.deluxewritingservices.com
Steve Kovacs a warm, understanding, non judgmental man who asks the right questions and receives the right answers; or keeps asking until answered. Very interesting to watch and/ or listen to. I always am wanting more of the show when it is over.
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http://www.thekovacsperspective.com/Podcast.html
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steve kovacs-a man of integrity-hard to find
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tess labella as selma have a listen...hysterical
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjl7nSuojG1nsUXT7MyU54A selma and sylvia video
https://soundcloud.com/tess-la-bella/2014-character-demo
What a talented woman...listen to her different voices and enjoy yourself for a few minutes....just click on her link: https://soundcloud.com/tess-la-bella/2014-character-demo
How someone can sound so different for each character, is beyond me, but Tess Labella manages to do it beautifully and elegantly. Listen to her short video, and you'll hear the talent in her voice. It isn't long, so it's easy to listen to. I predict you will smile, and I hear that's good for you! When you do something you love, you do it with excellence and Tess Labella loves to do voices. And is excellent! And anyone who takes advantage of that talent, answers her dreams just a little more.
Tess La Bella
What a talented woman...listen to her different voices and enjoy yourself for a few minutes....just click on her link: https://soundcloud.com/tess-la-bella/2014-character-demo
How someone can sound so different for each character, is beyond me, but Tess Labella manages to do it beautifully and elegantly. Listen to her short video, and you'll hear the talent in her voice. It isn't long, so it's easy to listen to. I predict you will smile, and I hear that's good for you! When you do something you love, you do it with excellence and Tess Labella loves to do voices. And is excellent! And anyone who takes advantage of that talent, answers her dreams just a little more.
Tess La Bella
Labradoodles of Long Island www.labradoodlesoflongisland.com
my sister eileen hattersley Labradoodles of Long Island
http://www.labradoodlesoflongisland.com
My sister Eileen raises gorgeous labradoodles in Long Island
They are sweet as can be
They are sweet as can be
THE LOVES OF MY LIFE
sara
sara becoming a sergeant in 2014
michael and his wife jessica
brian and his girlfriend rachel
our maltipoo benji
